Poetikarat no. 1

Distracted,
I tripped and fell on my face.
I breathe in the dust
You clapped your hands in praise.

Unprotected,
My heart skipped a beat.
My realization of the crux
You clamoured at my very defeat.

Alas.

Gazing outside...
I trade my gold for a minute in your tide.

ReWhine

I've received complaints that my recent blog entries have been happy and light. In an attempt to restore my dense and dark reputation, here's an entry that lacks the component of clarity.


Staring into the irrevocible differences of our vicarious epiphanies.

I Want To Ride My Bicycle!

This is a sticky post. Scroll below for updates.



Mari kawan-kawan, kita menjajah jalanraya Kuala Lumpur. Woooheeeeeey. Ride your basikal, tricycle, unicycles, unicorns, or you can just simply walk. Just don't show up in a car.

Thank You...

you've made my day.

I woke up today with a slight breeze blowing by the top of my head. My hair sways gently, dancing in an almost splendid manner, graceful as the clouds above that transforms from one sublime form to another. An image, if slowed down, would hypnotize the weariest of souls and awaken the most subdued of fairies.

I lift my head a little higher and I feel this gentle breeze grazing my face. Every follicle, hair, and pigment of my existence lingers in this gentle massage as skin rubs against atmospheric friction. Slowly, this breeze carves a smile on my lips. My mind is light... Gently my head pulls the rest of my body up. My massive mass becomes nimble... the tips of my toes tip toe on the gentle grass beneath me.

Slowly, the blades of grass is relieved of my weight... I find my toes barely touching the grass. This gentle breeze lifts me like a kite.

Realizing this, I fear that I may float high up above for an indefinite period of time. Quickly, I attached a spool of thread to the ankle of my right foot.

I drift higher and higher.

When the time is right, may I so boldly ask, that you seek this thread and pull me down back to earth.

Bjork : Volta

Sweet!
My life is complete now.

Short Skirt! Long Jacket!

This post has nothing to do with short skirts, nor does it have anything to do with long jackets. In fact it doesn't have anything to do with anything at all. It is nothing more than a fanciful attempt at wasting time. If you feel that your time is being wasted, please go do something a little bit more productive than reading this post. I will try my very best to stop typing this entry.

Questions & Answers

At a recent art festival where While You Were Eating was screened...

Audience Member : What is the reason behind making this film?

Me : Reason is overrated. I make films because I want to tell stories, therefore I make films. I don't need a reason.

Why do people keep asking the same question? Lazy questions deserve lazy answers.

Unzing In My Head! Woot! Woot!

To celebrate this nasty cough and flu that I am having, my doctor gave me drugs...

Now I have 6 different kind of drugs working my system...

Work it! Work it!

Unz! Unz! Unz! Unz!

Best of all... I have the 'Don't operate heavy machinery or drive any vehicle after consuming this drug' flu pills... my favourite. Hibernasia here I come.

Unz! Unz! Unz! Unz!

Woe To Me! Woe To Me! Woot! Woot!

Hey kawan-kawan, here is a letter of complaint I sent to the editors of various newspapers after being pissed at the tour agent that was supply me with my festival tickets for the Rainforest World Music Festival...

MISSING THE RAINFOREST MUSIC FESTIVAL

Dear Editor,

I really should be enjoying myself at the Sarawak Rainforest Music Festival, but unfortunately I am typing this e-mail from my hotel lobby.

We booked our tour package for the festival through Cat City Holiday. We were promised that our tickets would be available during check in at the hotel. However, through a slip up by the tour agency, our tickets ended up being stuck with a guide at the airport. Despite repeated appeals to have our tickets sent over, we are still denied of our tickets.

What's even more frustrating is Cat City's attitude at dealing with the situation. They refused to accept any responsibility and on a couple of occasion rudely walked away while we were still in discussion.

It is now 7.30 in the evening and the concert have already started. We have paid in full and spent over a thousand ringgit for the 3 day package,yet we have missed the day's workshops and will be missing part of the night's concert.

This would be my first and last time dealing with Cat City Holiday. Not only have they failed to deliver their promises, their rude customer service leaves little to be desired. I urge future festival goers to book directly from festival organizers or through other agencies.

Sincerely,
chi too & (Name Withheld)


Of course, the letter was never published (as expected), but since I am not some sneaky cheap ass... I also CCed a copy of this email to Cat City Holiday.

Lo and behold, within 36 hours of me hitting the 'send' button, Cat City began this major PR exercise in telling everyone (the media that was there at the festival) that this was all full of shit and we had no right to complain... all this before the letter was even published (and probably will never be published). Talk about having a public relations strategy. Woooheey...

And to add Bananarama to the drama, they began to threaten my friends about having their lawyers write a letter to the editors exposing their names to prove that I am not in the guest list, therefore I actually have no right to complain, unless if I write to the editors within 72 hours telling how sorry I am for complaining when I really am not allowed to (according to them).

I really couldn't be bothered to write back, since it was pretty obvious that the company sucks at dealing with such situations and is merely using intimidation tactics... and since they are freaking my friends out (strangely the company refuses to talk to me and is communicating their messages through my friends...I wonder why), I decided to write the letter anyway... it goes like this (once again, my bowels stand a better chance of seeing the light of day than this letter does):

I REALLY HAD NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN. WOE TO ME!

Dear Editors,

I am writing to you in regard to a letter I wrote to you entitled 'Missing The Rainforest World Music Festival'. It is regretful that
Cat City Holidays is now demanding an apology from me as a result of the above mentioned e-mail.

I apologize for naively believing in the fact that I am a 'legal' consumer since I was not the one who purchased the tickets, neither was my name in the guest list of the package. In this case, I am merely a grieving party who did not understand Cat City Holiday's rigid policies (which I understand is essential for a festival as such) and have acted rashly in response to it.I shall from here on limit my understanding and beliefs as a consumer with rights according to all fine prints, policies, and caveat emptors (no matter how fine they may be) as set by all my future vendors and service providers that I shall be dealing (either directly or indirectly) with.

I also apologize that I have practised my rights as a 'consumer' and thus arousing much anxiety to Cat City Holidays. Through my actions, I have caused them to waste much productive time in their efforts in clarifying matters to the media (and wanting me to clarify things to the media) despite the fact that my letter was not (and probably will never be) published in the first place.

On top of everything, most importantly. I would like to apologize to you, the editors whom I've sent this letter to for wasting your precious time in reading my previous e-mail. It is regrettable that you should have spent your time and attention on such petty matters.

Sincerely,
chi too

Continuing Misadventures Of The Adventure Drama Queens

Kiki : Can I use your Brazil nuts?
Gigi : No, keep your hands off my Brazil nuts.
Kiki : But your Brazil nuts feel so good...
Gigi : Of course, they're Brazillian.
Kiki : Please...
Gigi : OK... you can have my Brazil nuts... But be careful.
Kiki : Thank you. I'll handle your Brazil nuts with care.

ps: The above conversation may not be 100% accurate. It may not even be 50% accurate. In fact, it can be a fictional piece of fantasy imagined by the author. I don't know...I can't be sure, when the conversation took place, A song was playing in my head, I had too little sleep for 3 nights, and just had the most painful thing inflicted on me. Incoherent.

Transformers

Optimus Prime takes like 10 seconds to transform.
In the past, it used to be just 'kuscch krussh kooo krsuch' and Optimus Prime would be trailer truck to robot. That's probably no more than 3 seconds.
Now in the new movie...its like.. 'Kruschh Kuschh kroo weee ziiiwoo krsucxs hjurt wewee ziiiii...' It takes like more than 10 seconds.
Isn't that like a major handicap. If I was Megatron I'll just blow Optimus Prime's ass to hell while he's transforming.

Greetings From Your Motherland

Somewhere in this massive profound universe, there exist solar systems that contains planets such as the earth. In this little planet lies this country called Malaysia which within itself has another country by itself called Sarawak. In Sarawak, you need to pass through immgration checkpoints upon entry and there is a pretty pretty little city called Kuching. Criss-crossing the landscape of Sarawak are thousands of streets one of which is the very quaint Jalan Padungan which is home to trendy cafes, down to earth coffee shops, medicine halls (one of which has a selection of over a thousand different kinds of condoms, and a couple of dildos), thingamajiggas, and whatchamacallits. Among these, is this place called 'bing!'. bing! makes the best iced lattes in the world for RM 9.50. In this glass of latte, lies a temporary moment of euphoria.

ps: I love your motherland, but the father of your land is a real bad motherfucker (and I don't mean that as in Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction.)

An Ode To Miri

Violently, the wind blows, a plastic bag to the sky it lifts.
Behind glass walls in air conditioned comfort, I contemplate stepping outside.
Verily, it blows, from the sky above a band of thieves.
I slowly fall in futile attempts to retort, behind glass walls I hide.
Violently, the wind blows, my self to the sky it lifts.

Me, Myself, And I: Fun Facts About chi too no.2

chi too loves audio cassette bargain bins. Not that he doesn't have a CD player (in fact, he owns a discman that he carries around with big massive headphones), or is old school in nature (though it can be said that for him to actually still use a discman would qualify him as being old school)... but rather because the car he drives around has only a cassette player (that however is what one would call 'lo-fi').

The beauty about casette bargain bins is that one can usually find really good buys. For example the following happened to chi too today as he spent his time walking around in a department store in Miri, Sarawak...

chi too stumbled into a music shop that has a little bin that says 'music tapes. RM 3.90' (which is slightly more than 1 USD). He walked into the shop and began to rearrange the bin in hopes of finding some gems... lo and behold, he found the following:
- Massive Attack : 100th Window
- The White Stripes : Elephant
- Pulp : This Is Hardcore

As he walked away slurping the corners of his lips with much satisfaction over what was a fantastic buy, he stumbled into yet another shop that says 'Music Casettes. 1 for RM 5.90, 2 for RM 10'. Without thinking twice chi too walked in and came out with the following cassettes:
- R.E.M. : Monster
- Radiohead : Amnesiac
- Radiohead : Hail To The Thief
- The Beatles : Yellow Submarine
- Incognito : No Time Like The Future
- Tori Amos : From The Choirgirl Hotel

chi too is a very happy person when he buys cassettes.

It Bites!

Overheard in a guesthouse in Miri, Sarawak...

Farang : So how is it like in the Niah caves... are there leeches and things like that?
Guesthouse Caretaker : No... only mosquitoes... and birdshit.

pauses...

Guesthouse Caretaker : Birdshit don't bite.

Instantly I imagine birdshit that is actually capable of biting back... That would be a problem ain't it. And what if slowly, defecation progressively begin to evolve to a stage where they can actually bite back. We'll have to revolutionize the way we take dumps then.

ps: I've been defecating healthily despite the strange Penan diet I had over the past week. It's solid, brownish, occasionally with a tinge of yellow, or green... depending on diet I reckon.