Digital Pleasure

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Saya Sebatang Pen

Saya sebatang pen, nama saya Pilot. Saya sebatang pen hitam. Saya dilahirkan di sebuah kilang di Bayan Lepas, Pulau Pinang. Sebagai sebatang pen, saya cukup tampan sekali. Badan saya panjang dan kurus, cukup seksi. Demikian itu memang tidak hairanlah kenapa penutup pen di muncung saya tidak serik serik berada di sana.

Walaupun saya cukup tampan, saya tidak faham kenapa saya sebatang pen hitam. Kenyataannya ialah, saya lebih rela menjadi sebuah pen biru. Sekurang kurangnya pen biru itu berwarna, hitam itu... bukan warna. Hitam adalah keaiban segala gala warna. Ia tidak berwarna. Mungkinkah itu sebab kenapa sudah sekian lama saya tidak dibeli. Sekarang sudah genap 5 bulan saya menghingapi rak di kedai buku Popular ini... sudah lima bulan... tidak ada seorang pun yang membeli saya.

Sekali-sekala, ada seorang dua pelajar sekolah yang mengambil saya, mereka membuka penutup saya, lalu menulis ayat-ayat yang tidak bermakna. Kadang-kadang, jika saya tidak mengeluarkan dakwat, mereka mengoncang saya, ada yang mengoncang saya dengan perlahan, ada yang mengoncang saya dengan rakus sekali. Seandainya saya yang bersalah.

Apakandaya, kadang-kadang prestasi saya kurang memuaskan. Bolehkah saya dipersalahkan? Tanyalah mana mana pen yang lain, kalau dah duduk di rak kedai buku selama 5 bulan, siapalah yang bersemangat lagi untuk melakukan yang terbaik. Bukannaya tidak mahu berprestasi, tapi bak kata orang, kalau lama tak turun padang, mestilaj karat sikit.

Oleh itu, saya tidak pernah dibeli. Kadang-kadang, jika saya mampu mengeluarkan dakwat, budak-budak akan tulis ayat ayat seperti... seperti... aduh... tidak sanggup saya katakan disini, saya pun segan.... seperti... 'fuck', 'pukimak', 'i love you', 'nak hisap kote? telefon 012 6349876', dan lain-lain. Tidak, kenapa budak-budak zaman sekarang begitu biadap sekali. Aku tidak faham, apakah makna hidup saya, apakah tujuan kewujudan saya. Apa ni! Aku tak faham! Aku bingung....

'ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH' aku jerit dengan sekuat hati. Budak yang sedang memegang saya sambil menulis 'Farah pant...' terus menjatuhkan saya ke lantai, terkejut akan pen ini yang mampu menjerit dengan begitu kuat sekali.

Aku jatuh ke lantai dengan kuat sekali, Kesakitan yang terasa tajam sekali... Tiba-tiba... aku terjaga dari tidur. Rupa-rupanya itu semua hanya mimpi sahaja. Aku berasa lega yang saya sebenarnya bukan sebatang pen hitam.

Saya sebenarnya adalah sebatang pensel.

Conversations with you (7 of many)

you: peux je voir votre passeport
me: voici mon passeport
you: est ce vraiment vous dans l'image

I feel compelled to write another blog entry.

Conversations with you (6 of many)

Me: I don't believe in soulmates
You: I don't believe in soulmates too
Me: Maybe you are my soulmate?

What Would Jesus Do?

These past couple of weeks, I've been reprimanded a couple of times for taking Jesus's name in vain. All these 'what would chisus do?', 'chisus loves you', 'chisus saves', and whatnots have apparently raised the irk of the true followers of Jesus.

Guess what? I am a true follower of Jesus too, and I'm not irked.

In fact, if anything, I'm asking myself 'What would Jesus do?'

And this is what I believe Jesus would do..

Jesus Christ : Eh chi, that's damn funny... I think we should work together.

Yes... let's give Jesus some credit. I don't reckon He is half as uptight as any of you Christians out there. Heck, I don't think He is even any uptight at all. Seriously, this man turned water into 40 vats of wine on his first gig, he's a lot more fun that what you would like to think he's not. I'm beginning to believe that if there was any wine at the feeding of the 5000, he'll also feed the 5000 with wine... unfortunately there was no wine to begin with. Yes, of course he can simply just make wine out of nothing, but you're missing the point here, that miracle was about duplication, not creation.

There you go. Jesus is quite awesome. Me on the other hand, am merely chisus, and chisus is not Jesus, and has nothing to do with Jesus... I'm just a fanboy of Jesus.

The most chisus can do is turn a baguette into a croissant.

Happy Easter Day.

Things That I Should Be Worried About

I can sing Flight Of The Conchords songs by heart...

'and when you're on the street, depending on the street, I bet you are on the top 3, good looking girl on the street... depending on the street'

Wow... I Think I'm...

chisus lays down his red cross

I am amazed at how I can simply type without even looking at the keyboard at such high speeds... The human body is an amazing thing.

When I grow up

I want to paint...
I want to make lots of short films...
I want to write like a bitch...
I want to make numerous installation pieces...

But I can never be an artist.

I want to be Richard Tuttle,

on top of that, I also want to be H.G. Wells and Stephen Hawkings.

I have a strange feeling that very soon, I'd want to be Hunter S. Thompson.

Could today be the day?

Conversations with you (5 of many)

You : Are you OK?
Me : Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *&%&Q@#%$@&!!#$ WHAT THE FUCK Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh arghhhhh arghhhhhhh &^$^%$^%*^^%*^%$

I want to watch paint dry with you

My life has no meaning...
as meaningless as a useless analogy

Conversations with you (4 of many)

Me : What if I lied?
You : What if I lied too?
Me: OK, you win.

I think I should tell you the truth about how I feel
I think I should tell her the truth about how I felt

I want to start life anew...
I think I should see a therapist

Mencari Mimaland

Hatiku mengidamkan Mimaland
mengidamkan gelungsur air berwarna-warni
mengidamkan taman dinosaur
mengidamkan permainan golf mini
mengidamkan cermin yang pelik
yang menguruskan saya, dan menggemukkan kamu.
Satu hari nanti...
Saya akan mencari Mimaland

It has occurred to me that I actually have people reading this blog.
Well, that is fine...

I fear that you should be reading this blog.