A Super Groovy Fantastic Euphoric, Almost Cosmic Orgasmic Day

"Perplexed", that's my new favourite word. My trusty Little Oxford Dictionary defines it as...

perplex /insert romanised pronounciaton guide here/ v.t. bewilder, puzzle; complicate, tangle. perplexity n.

There's a definition. Heres how I will put this word into use...

After picking up my brand new Macbook (I feel like such a geek now that I have a laptop) at Midvalley Megamall, me and my dear sister decided to get some yummy cream puffs to go at this little kiosk that goes by the name "Papa Beard".

Papa Beard sells nothing but cream puffs, and according to my sister, they're killer cream puffs. Well, they look killer to me. They've got this machine that basically penetrates a puff pastry with a shiny silver proboscis and injects it with a white creamy substance. They look super yummy (And I found out later that they are super yummy. But I'm not here to tell you about how yummy it is. This is not a food blog. If you want a food blog, visit Honeystar's blog... a dear friend of mine. PS: PY, maybe you can write about it) and since I was so hungry, They packed one separate for me. The other 5 were placed in a nice cardboard box that you can carry around.

As I dug into my first bite, horror struck when I saw how the cashier placed that box in a plastic bag. I became perplexed. Why would someone put a cardboard box packaging that was designed to be carried with ease, in a plastic bag... Worse, the plastic bag looks horrible (don't they all). Why would anyone want to compromise on style. I became even more perplexed.

Allow me to explain why I was 'perplexed', when I would usually be 'pissed off' when I see such atrocities.

That morning, while I was online, my most favouritest New Zealander in the world (though I only know 2 NZers), Tia, asked me a very rare question... "Are you happy today?", to which I answered "I'm esctatic", though I'm not exactly... I further added.
"Almost euphroric
Why....
Simply because you asked me"
which she replied
"Wow it sounds orgasmic."
"It is very rare to have someone ask 'are you happy today?'
Now that you have, I will make it a point to make today a super groovy fantastic euphoric, almost cosmic orgasmic day.
How about you...are you happy today?"

There you go, that explains why I'm 'perplexed' instead of 'pissed off'. Besides one can't break his/her word with a New Zelander... especially not with Maoris.

I then told the cashier to please remove the box from that horrid bag... A string of questions follow my perplexity...
me: why do you still put the box in a plastic bag? This box has a nice handle that you can carry (I gesture at the box)
cashier: (looks at me blankly)
me: why?
cashier: our manager told us to.
sister: Its just their standard operating procedure...
me: but it's pointless to have a box like this if they're still gonna put it in a bag.
cashier: have a nice day (hands me box).
sister: Excuse my brother, he's an "environmentalist".

I can almost see her wiggle her fingers 'quote, unquote' when she said 'environmentalist', but she didn't.

me: i think you should tell your manager that a customer thought that it is really stupid to still put the box in a plastic bag.
cashier: OK
me: have a fantastic day ahead.

I could have said "have a super groovy fantastic euphoric, almost cosmic orgasmic day" to her... but it would have sounded wrong. Instead, I went ahead and had one myself... and my day was exactly like that....

here's to a super groovy fantastic euphoric, almost cosmic orgasmic day.

Just For The Sake Of Having A Blog Entry

This entry is purely for the sake of having a blog entry... that's it.
I don't have anything important to say.
I don't have anything interesting to tell you.
So for today...
Something else that rhymes with 'you'.

Happy Birthday Aung San Suu Kyi. Thank You For All The Gifts.

Today, the revered Daw Aung San Suu Kyi celebrates her 61st birthday (though I'm not too sure if 'celebrate' is a correct term... given the circumstances)... Unfortunately, she won't be blowing any candles... unless if the Junta decides to buy her a cake. I highly doubt that would happen.

Who the hell is Aung San Suu Kyi... well, I'll skip the facts (you can wikipedia it yourself) and go straight to what she means to me. When I knew about ASSK... I reckon I was about 14. It was through her that I learn that not everyone who is in prison are 'bad people'... If there's anything else that I learnt was that sometimes the people who put the so called 'bad people' in prison are the real bad people themselves.

Despite it being ASSK's birthday, I find myself showered with gifts these past 3 days. Not really gifts actually... more like random acts of kindness; which when received unexpectedly are the kind of things that you'll cherish for as long as you can remember (sounds redundant, but I forget easily). Little gems that help keep the world in perspective... that the world is not as fucked up as I would think it is.

Here are exact accounts of these random acts of kindness...

Saturday, 17 June 2006
I was in Central Market hoping to catch a free dance performance by friends of friends. Unfortunately, the traffic was horrible that day and I missed the performance completely. On top of that, being in a bus for an hour straight calls for some serious bladder emptying. I rushed to the toilet when I arrived. Alas! No coins, all I had was a RM 10 note and the entrance fee for the toilet was 30 cents (I think I need to review the phrase 'the entrance fee for the toilet'. I made it sound like some theme park. But then again, in Malaysia, toilets can be just as amusing as theme parks). The attendant had no change and stared blankly at me... I stared back at him with an agony in my eyes. We could go on forever, staring back and forth... fortunately a nice samaritan behind me tapped my back and told me that he'll pay for me. I thanked him and zoomed straight into the toilet. I know I should have said more than just 'thank you', but unfortunately it was either that or me wetting my pants. So, between bad manners and embarassing myself, I unfortunately chose the former.

Sunday, 18 June 2006
I was supposed to go to the Chinese Assembly Hall with Mien today to celebrate Aung San Suu Kyi's birthday. Unfortunately, I was struck by the bug and wasn't in the mood to spread my lovely disease. Later that night when I went to see Mien for our location recce (Mien's producing my next film 'While You Were Eating') , she gave me an Aung San Suu Kyi t-shirt. It was really sweet of her, considering the fact that I am not paying her for producing my film... heheh. Can't help it, no budget... no financiers... So anyone who's reading this post right now is welcomed to finance my next film. I don't need a lot, it's just a 3 minute film.

Monday, 19th June 2006
I wore the AASK t-shirt today in conjunction with her 61st birthday, even though I was stuck in my studio all day long by myself. After spending almost 12 hours cutting a music video, I am stressed as hell and my head was standing by to spontaneously combust. A remedy was to go to my once regular Starbucks (I think I've not been to this outlet for about 3 months now) for a much needed iced hazelnut latte. I walked in and everyone was so surprised. "Where the hell were you? We were thinking if we should dispose your tumbler already" (yes, I have my own reusable tumbler there because they prepare iced drinks in horrible disposable plastic cups), one of the barista says. Glad to see me again (I am trying to not spoil the moment with my cynicism), she prepared a cup of iced hazelnut latte for me... on the house. That was really nice of her. I wanted to dwell on musing "Do I deserve so much kindness", but I thought "what the hell', and just sat down, enjoy my coffee, and read my book (A Long Way Down, by Nick Hornby... funny as hell). A night well spent and not a dollar spent.

That's about it... that's as much kindness as I can deal with... anymore and I think I'll morph into a carebear (which is not too bad actually). Given all the random acts of kindness, I reckon maybe I should go buy lottery tomorrow... but then again, maybe I should just simply be a nicer person tomorrow. Or maybe I can do both... well, whatever. Happy Birthday Aung San Suu Kyi, thanks for everything.

Are Lizards Religious?

It's a friday and I am bored as hell... It's absurd that I should be blogging at this time of the week. But then again, It's not like I usually have a life anyway. It's just that being the World Cup season, I've become a football widow, and worse of all... I've lost telly priveleges since football reigns supreme for the inhabitants in my house.

And to make matters worse, I am about to impose on you a completely irrerevent question... Do lizards pray?

A couple of nights ago, in the midst of my intelligent conversations with my sister (which topics range from the absurd to the ethereal); She suggested that I wake up at 6 AM in the morning to witness a extraordinary event...

The day before, her domestic helper, Anna (who takes care of baby Chloe) pointed out to her that at exactly 6 AM in the morning, lizards come to the ground. Even the ones that are on the ceiling would just drop themselves to the ground when the little hand strikes six. Why would they come down to the ground? According to Anna, in Philipines it is believed that lizards come to kiss the ground and pray.

She wanted me to wake up at 6 AM the next day to see if it's true. I love my sister very much, but sometimes I like to draw the line of that love between the platonic and the incestous (though a lot of my friends claim that between me and my sister, this line is very fine... and sometimes, perforated), so I really couldn't be bothered with waking up at such an absurd hour to have lizards fall on my head.

You may asks 'why don't she just do it herself then?'. Good question. For those of you who do not know, my sister has got an extremely chronic (almost clinical) fear of reptiles and amphibians. When i say a chronic fear, I don't only mean that she screams hysterically at the sight of a lizard or frog, but also at the image of a lizard, frog, or snake in print or on the telly. It is so chronic that she actually gets freaked out by 'kermit the frog'. No, that last sentence was not a joke.

So, since I am not going to wake up at 6 AM in the morning. I would like you. Yes... you... my felllow readers to wake up at 6 AM in the morning to see if lizards actually come down to kiss the ground and pray. And if you do, please do not hesitate to email me your findigs at 19sempilai@gmail.com. I will then forward the emails to my sister.

Your participation in this research will be gratefully appreciated.




Since putting up a photo of a lizard would completely freak my sister out, I decided against putting up a photo of Kermit the Frog. And since it is always nice to include a photo with a blog entry, here's a photo of my sister with baby Chloe.

"Bring Your Own Bag" by Quinn

A few weeks ago, Quinn and I chatted online about her writing assignment for her magazine's website in conjunction with World Environment Day. We chatted and lazy as she is (with a sheer stroke of genius), she cut and pasted the chat window (albeit some editing... i reckon you can't swear on magazines like this) for the article...
enjoy.
ps: article republished on this blog with prior permission from the author, P. Quinn.


B.Y.O.B. by P. Quinn

Let's mark World Environment Day by BYOB - that's Bringing Your Own Bag! Greetings, doctorjobbers, I work as a designer at GTI Specialist Publishers, the company behind this great newsletter.

I was assigned to design new carrier bags for our company recently. You see, we participate in a lot of events and need bags for people to put our magazines in.

On top of that, I had to whip something up real quick in conjunction with the World Environmental Day Special for June's RECESS. I desperately needed something to write about...so I consulted a friend of mine, the plastik fantastik, who is truly fantastiko! This is how our conversation went...

Revisiting Pulp Fiction!

I revisited Pulp Fiction today... what lead me to do such a thing? Well, allow me to retrace exactly how I got to this moment.

Late mid April, I was stuck in the Greenpeace office in Papua New Guinea (which drove me mad) and among the Audio CDs available for my listening pleasure (which was indeed pleasurable) was the Pulp Fiction OST that belongs to Simon. I popped it in for the first time, and like they say 'once you pop, you can't stop'. I listed the CD in my notebook under the page that says 'Music To Look Out For'.

Mid May, I return home to Kuala Lumpur on the lookout for the Pulp Fiction OST CD. Went to my favourite pirates... not available. Went to my favourite CD stores... still not available. I resorted to downloading the songs off Limewire... I quit after a few songs given the high quality internet broadband connection provided by the country's telco monopoly.

Early June... Nichole gave me a private lesson on how to use BitTorrent (and I'm not adding 'if you know what I mean', It is exactly what I said it is). Not only was I able to download one song at a time... I managed to download the entire album...at one go (that's what I call technology), though it took quite some time. I began listening to it on my iTunes incessantly.

Today... I decided to watch the film again. I looked through my old VCD collection and it was sitting there. Along with that there was also Ken's AliG stuff, Ritchie's Chicago, Cath's Kill Bill, and some VCDs which I believe belongs to Quinn. Well, I really do mean to return them... but then again, there's always tomorrow. I watched the film and I laughed my ass off. Or rather (in true Pulp Fiction style), I fucking laughed my bloody ass off. Well, I don't think Tarantino would have written 'bloody', but I reckon if it was shot in the UK, the characters would say 'bloody'... a lot.

It had one of the best openings a movie can ever have....

Honey Bunny : I love you...
Pumpkin : I love you Honey Bunny.
(kisses each other and stands on top of the table)
Pumpkin : Everybody be cool, this is a robbery.
Honey Bunny : Any of you fucking pricks move, and I'll execute every motherfucking last one of you.



Tada da da daa daa daa da daaa (sang to the tune of 'Misirlou')

A Letter To The Good Doctor

Dear Dr. Reza (aka the good doctor),

How are you doing... hope this email finds you well and happy. It is
to my dismay that I should send you this email. After keeping it to
myself for so long, I must at last confess to you an atrocity that
have taken place in Lake Murray after your departure.

I have photographic evidence that a patient of yours, A Mr. Luke
Strandquist, have failed to keep to his promise of keeping his severed
toe clean and dry at all times. On more than one occasion, Mr.
Strandquist have deliberately endangered his toe by swimming in the
lake. Attached is a photo of Mr. Strandquist getting his feet wet in
the waters of Camp Awekaim (aka. Camp Death); one of the many
occasions where this atrocity have taken place.

I hope that you can take stren disciplinary action against this
unbecoming behaviour displayed by Mr. Strandquist. In the mean time,
see you later alligator.

regards,
chi too.



Mr. Luke Strandquist caught red handed swimming in the waters off Camp Awekaim, Lake Murray, Papua New Guinea.



Mr. Xiao Wei, a fellow accomplice jumping into Lake Murray. It is believed that Mr. Strandquist believed he could get away with the crime if it is commited with a Chinese rock star.

The Infinite Porky Delight...

I was at the market today...
The lady at the stall gave me 'that look' as I presented her with a small carrot and a little bit of coriander.
We go through this routine over and over again everytime i buy from her stall. "Why do you bother cooking for yourself... just go to the restaurant and take away." she'll advise me.
I'll say 'maybe you're right...' and changes the subject.

I paid 40 cents (about usd 10cents) for my carrot and coriander and left. It's absurd, but having the luxury of cooking my own lunches makes me feel good.

Here's the recipe for...

PORKY PASTA DELIGHT!
(serves yourself and a friend)

What?

200 gms pasta (any kind... linguine's my favourite)
100 gms minced pork
4 cloves garlic (finely chopped)
1 whole onion (diced)
1 tomato (diced)
1 small carrot (diced)
1 small potato (diced)
1 stalk coriander (finely chopped)
100 gms tomato puree
oil, salt, & black pepper

How?

1) Rub some salt and pepper into minced meat and let it sit for 10 minutes
2) Boil carrots and potatoes in a pot until soft (but not too soft... unless if you plan to feed this to a baby)
3) Cook pasta (Do I need to teach you how to do this?)
4) In another hot wok/pan/pot (depends on where you're from), add oil and saute garlic until before it changes colour.
5) Chuck in minced pork... Toss until pork is completely cooked.
6) Chuck in onions and tomatoes, toss it for a bit (say 5 seconds).
7) Add tomato puree and some water.
8) Keep stiring until it comes to a boil..
8) then chuck in the coriander. Add some salt and pepper to season.
9) Let it cook for a bit more...
10) Pour it on cooked pasta and put on some fine music in the CD player.

Bon apetit!

ps: if for some reason your religion/beliefs/bowels/ideology doesn't permit the consumption of PORK (the best meat in the entire universe), then it is alright to use minced beef instead. Or, if you're vegetarian... the pork can be replaced with smashed tofu (with a bit of flour to hold it together).

pps: PORK rules!

Leatherback Turtles 'not coming back'

Some time ago, I sent a critical letter to the press regarding Mr. Kamaruddin Ibrahim of the Turtle Marine Ecosystem Center (TUMEC) efforts to revive the leatherback turtle
population.

Our dear friend suggested that we buy leatherback eggs from neighbouring countries and incubate them on our shores... hopefully 20 years later, they'll come back and nest on our shores. Then what? start having tourists back on these beaches to harrass them poor turtles again... I mean, that if it is even remotely possible to bring back the population.

I was aghast that the agency responsible for our country's turtle conservation programme is led by such an uninformed person as Kamaruddin. This is the same person who wanted to build a massive RM 10m penal colony for turtles on an island lagoon 'to protect young hatchlings from predators and ensure their growth to adulthood'.

Mr. Kamarudin, I think you should just return to what you do best... fish farming.

However, the press didn't publish my letter. Hillary (of the Star) told me that critical letters usually don't get published, unless if the section is dry. Ahhh, Malaysia... How I love thee.

Fortunately, the papers did publish Prof. Chan Eng Heng's (a dedicated turtle conservationist & environmentalist) comment's on Kamaruddin's effort. They were pretty much the same as what I said in my unpublished letters... but I reckon, the press would rather have 'qualified professional' opinions. Read the article below. Anyway, I am glad that her comments were published... someone needs to give Kamaruddin a good knock on the head, and I will be glad to loan Prof. Chan 'spanky' for that purpose.



ps: visit Prof. Chan's SEATRU website to see exactly what she is up to with the turtles.

pps: in case you don't know yet... yes I am a turtlenik.


Leatherback turtles ‘not coming back’
08 Jun 2006
By Nisha Sabanayagam

KUALA LUMPUR: It is time to say goodbye to the leather-back turtle. It is on the point of extinction and is not going to make a comeback.

The head of the Marine Turtle Project at Kolej University Sains dan Teknologi Malaysia, Professor Chan Eng Heng, said: "It is sad but we have to face reality. We should not be in denial."

Yesterday, the New Straits Times reported that there was still hope for the leatherback turtle.

Director of the Turtle Marine Ecosystem Centre (Tumec), Kamaruddin Ibrahim, had said that of the half-a-million hatchlings released from 1961 to 2001, it was hoped that some would return to Rantau Abang, Terengganu, in the next few years.

After three to five years, leatherback turtles periodically return to their birthplace to lay their eggs.

Chan said the leatherbacks are not returning in the numbers expected and experts cannot really say why.

The population drop is compounded by the fact that most of the hatchlings released between the 1960s and the 1980s were female, a result of the "open air" hatchery practice at that time.

When incubated at high temperatures, leatherback eggs produce females.

Experts are also aware that since 2000, none of the eggs laid on Terengganu’s beaches were fertilised because there were so few males.

Chan said the time had come to consider sustaining the populations of other turtle species, such as the green turtle, and freshwater species like the river terrapin and the painted terrapin.

Jump

For some reason Naomi decides to end her life… she chooses to jump off a bridge

For some reason Akira decides to end her life… she chooses to jump off a bridge

For some strange reason they chose the same bridge.

…

Akira prepares to step up to the ledge.

Naomi sees Akira making his way up the ledge.

“Are you going to jump?”

“Yes.”

“I won’t bother you then. I’ll just stand here.”

“Are YOU going to jump?”

“Yes.”

“Would you like to go first then? Ladies first?”

“No. You go ahead. I’ll watch”

…

Akira steps down…

“Are you sure? I can always go later”

“No… I insist.”

Akira steps up…

“It’s hard to jump with you watching.”

“Should I leave then?”

…

“No”

Ada Apa Dengan Cinta? (What's Wrong With Love?)

Press Statement for KATAGender's Action 01/06/2006

We are here because…

• we want to show our support to Siow Ai Wei and Ooi Kean Thong;

• we applaud their courageous stance and resolve in retaining their right to self-determination, especially on something as private as the demonstration of affection;

• we believe that holding hands, or even kissing, does not constitute “indecent behaviour”;

• we deem that excessive and intrusive control of individual behaviour by the State, particularly under the guise of ‘morality’, is unacceptable;

• we think that we, as civic-conscious individuals, have the capacity to judge for ourselves, whether or not our behaviour will offend others around us;

• we reject laws that validate and enable voyeuristic behaviour by officials in power, or the potential for private individuals to ‘spy’ and ‘tell’ on each other – such laws encourage an environment of mutual suspicion and mistrust, and is gravely damaging to social relations;

• we do not accept the broad, careless and simplistic strokes made by some Members of the Parliament and the judiciary on what constitutes ‘Asian’ or ‘Western’ cultural values – norms, culture and values are ‘living’ concepts that are constantly being developed, redefined and reinterpreted;

• we hold that openness, tolerance and acceptance of diversity and difference is fundamental to a peaceful and strong nation – particularly for Malaysia where there are multiple and fluid ethnicities, as well as cultural values, norms and practices;

• we call for a focus of government resources, energy and attention on more substantive issues that are faced by people in this country, such as poverty, sexism, identity- based discrimination and violence, displacement, quality education, environmental sustainability, good governance and corruption.

1 June 2006

Who's Morality?

Come and support the court case of two young people that are charged for “indecent behavior”, all because they allegedly hugged and kissed in a public park.

Day: Thursday, 1st June 2006
Time: 9:00am
Place: DBKL Magistrates Court, Jalan Tun Razak (near the Pekeliling Flats, behind Tawakal Hospital. Nearest LRT Stop: Titiwangsa)
Map: http://my.pagenation.com/kul/Dbkl%20Court_101.6951_3.1763.map | http://www.putralrt.com.my/rapidbus_kljlrt.htm

On 2 August 2003, Ooi Kean Thong (24) and Siow Ai Wei (22) were accused of “indecent behaviour” at the KLCC park.

They lodged a report against the two DBKL officers who allegedly issued them with a summons after they refused to bribe them. Not only that, the challenged the city council’s authority to enact such “morality laws”.

On 4 April 2006, the Federal Court ruled that the KL City Hall had the authority to enact bylaws to prosecute people for indecent public behaviour.

Worried that tourists will stop visiting our country because of such openly ridiculous policing of private behavior, the Mayor of KL hastily reassured the BBC on the very next day, that this will not apply to tourists.

Meanwhile, Ooi and Siow will have to defend themselves against the charge of indecent behaviour.

Where do you stand?

Come to the hearing and show your support to Siow and Ooi’s courageous stance. KataGender (katagender.blogspot.com) is organising a visual statement on the day. Join us as we hold hands and state your thoughts.

Please wear a white or plain coloured t-shirt and bring marker pens, cardboard, and your friends.

For more information, contact: kata.gender@gmail.com

We will be meeting at the Masjid Jamek LRT station at 8:15am – 8:30am to go the courts together via the LRT. Alternatively, you can meet us directly at the DBKL Magistrates Court.

Looking forward to meeting you!

A Letter to Sep Galeva (Lake Murray's Che Guevera)

Dear Sep,
Thank you very much for welcoming us in Lake Murray. It was indeed a priceless oppurtunity of a lifetime. The struggle of your people inspires me immensely, so much so that any attempt to retell your story would result in tears creeping out the corners of my eyes.

I was indeed sad to leave your community. I lament the fact that we had to leave Lake Murray... I'd do anything to stay, I'd even buy your joke that I've been expedited from my country and that I am welcomed to live in exile in Lake Murray. If only.

The plane carried us away with meloncholy in our hearts. The weather was clear but our hearts were turbulent. But then, as we rise above the clouds, I see a silver lining. I told myself that instead of feeling overtly sad at leaving, I should learn to be happy for being so extremely fortunate as to have experienced your wonderful community.

The latter seems difficult to do but was unfortunately necessary... life must go on. Goodbye Sep, I must go now... I can't promise you I'll return, but I can promise you that I'll try my level best to work towards returning to Lake Murray. Thanks for being a wonderful host, friend, provider, and most importantly of all... for being an inspiration.

There you have it, I usually don't write sappy letters, but fortunately (or unfortunately, I'm confused between the two) the beautiful people of your community deserves one from me. May our paths cross again. In the mean time, may the good Lord provide you and your community the strength and wisdom to further your cause to greater heights.

With much love and solidarity,
chi too.

I Went To The Zoo... (a recollection of a dream)

I had trouble sleeping last night so I decided that I'll go to the zoo today. What does my amnesiac state have to do with me going to the zoo? Well, it really has nothing to do with each other... but i reckon that I'll need to be in such a state of disillusionment (one that is induced by my state of sleeplessness) to want to go to the zoo. Truth be told, I really like animals; but to see them trapped in a cage breaks my heart into a million pieces which inevitably results in my having to put them all back together again. Very often I'll lose a few pieces and whatever I have left I'll usually end up putting them all back in the wrong places. Guess I'm in the mood today for jigsaw puzzles then.

I paid the price for my ticket, 10 ringgit. For a zoo it seems like alot of money, but i paid the sum anyway; secretly hoping that I can pass off as a child under 12 years of age. That way I can pay a mere 5 ringgit (which i believe is also still a lot of money for a zoo). But then again, trying to pass myself off as a 12 year old seems far fetched, I probably stand a better chance passing off as a 55 year old and try to obtain a senior citizen's discount.

Being my own pedantic self, upon entering the entrance to the zoo (this sentence may seem nonsensical, but on more than a few occasions I have actually entered at an exit, and exited at an entrance. Therefore 'entering the entrance' in my book is fine for me and says alot about the content within its context), I merely let the attendant see my ticket. I then carefully tore the ticket along the perforated line with much care and perfection. One part I kept for myself, the other I gave to the attendant whom then allowed me to pass through the creaking turnstiles...
creaaaaaaakkkkkkkkk! BANG!.
the errie silence was smashed by the turnstile... one that was greatly in need of some serious lubrication work.

Going to the zoo has always been a quandry for me. While I detest animals being confined, I really enjoy looking at them. Everytime I see an animal, I'll look at it for a really long time, inspecting its every move and nuances. The nimble moves of the civet cat, the strong muscular limbs of a tiger, the gaping mouth of a hippopotamus, the bright gazing eyes of the lemur, and how can i forget, the babbon who flaunts his pink ass so gallantly... so unashamed (but then again, I reckon it would be the right thing to do... if thou hast an ass so fine, thou shalt flaunt it). Did I also mention that I once saw a babbon with an ass whose painted by a phletora of colours in the Taiping Zoo. It was supposed to be some rare species found in some strange corner of the world (How the Taiping Zoo obtained it, I don't know).

Please excuse me... I'm not here to talk about baboon and their asses, neither am I here to talk about asses (though there were a few on display at the zoo too... by that I mean donkeys, ironically their asses weren't too flattering); I'm here to tell you about a dream... a dream about me going to the zoo.

And so I gazed... I gazed at one, and moved to another, gazed at one... and moved to another....

A Ziraffe,
who'll pass out if it bends its neck lower than its heart.

A Kangaroo,
who was walking... Which I thought are jumpers, and was wearing a cardigan instead of jumpers.

A Gazelle,
which I first thought was a deer... which jumped much more than the kangaroo did.

A Porcupine,
Whom as opposed to popular belief does not shoot thorny spines from it's ass... it merely switches into reverse gear and ass-butts its predators and then dislodges the spines on them. Still, I reckon that would be quite nasty.

A Panda,
Who have always wondered how he'll look like in a colour photo.

A Tortoise,
Whose legend deeply embedded in Vietnamese folklore... this one has a face that almost looks like Ho Chi Minh.

I gazed... and moved to another... I gazed.. and moved to another...

I become tired, but yet I am still not sleepy... In fact, my eyes become brighter.

I gazed... and I gazed.

Cockatoo, Crocodile, Giant Sloth...

Rabbit, Mousedeer, Mountain Goat...

Reticulated Python, Green Iguana, Reticulated Python...

Reticulated Python, Reticulated Python, Reticulated Python, Reticulated Python.

I'm fixed on the sight of this beautiful python... all 30 feet of it. I want to take a closer look at it, but the enclosure was sealed. I banged on the glass despite warnings of 'Do Not Knock Glass'... I want to take a closer look.

In my attempt to look closer, I fixed my faced onto the glass enclosure and knocked the glass even harder in hopes that the python will come to me. It doesn't, but I can see that its eyes are staring deep into mine.

I wasn't too happy... I still want to take a closer look.

I went looking for the zookeeper...

I gave him a 50 Ringgit bribe and he unlocked the enclosure for me.

I entered and came close to the python.

It's beautiful, the motifs on the body a work of art, the shape and form a massive mass.

I still want to look closer...much much closer...

I went up to its face and looked into its eyes... It shines like diamonds in the rough.

I tapped its mouth...it opened up gloriously for me to view.

I still wanted to look closer.

I took a closer look and put my head into its gaping mouth into darkness...

I can't see anything, but a sense of peace overwhelms...

I still want to look closer... I crawled deeper and deeper into the python.

The python's belly streches to accomodate me... The acidic digestive juices covers me like a thin layer of film.

It is dark... very dark.

I can't hear anything.

I can't see anything.

I can't feel anything.

My mind ceases to think...

In that compact void, I found peace... I yawned.

I fell asleep.

I'm Quite Sure That's Not The Intended Title

Ever since I returned from Papua New Guinea... everyone has been asking me about Lake Murray.
"How's it like?"
"How's it like?"
"How's it like?"...

My usual answer would be...
"Errr...It was... Errr... It was fucking amazing."
and then I'll resort to changing the subject.

Then came Matt... bossman at Camp Kewe who decides if I get my turn at the charger and the computer; and of course whether I get my chicken crackers or not; who came along and wrote this excellent piece on the GFRS weblog.

Bossman! I take my hats off to you for the ability to describe something that is almost impossible to match with words. I salute you and the star that rests upon your commie cap.

Here's his post on the GFRS blog...and I'm quite sure that it wasn't his title.




"Words just aren't enough"

Posted by Matt, GFRS co-ordinator

The wind shifted to a South Easterly today, signalling the start of the dry season in Lake Murray. Yesterday the water level dropped one meter in front of the Global Forest Rescue Station (GFRS). This means we are going to have to carry the Banana boat over logs and drag it through the shallows on our way to the airstrip this weekend.

We’re packing down the GFRS. The change in the wind and the twinge of sadness in everyone seem to fit.

The people of Lake Murray have said goodbye to most of the international guests. Everyone went out to visit the Kuni people, who fought off industrial logging. Together, we saw the first load of eco-timber milled and shipped out from Lake Murray.

Volunteers had come from Japan, China, Italy, Finland, Thailand, Malaysia, the USA, Australia, New Zealand, Holland, Germany, Indonesia, West Papua and other provinces of Papua New Guinea.

It is hard to communicate what that means here. It is hard to communicate how remote Lake Murray is. One of the most isolated places on the planet. There are no roads here, no cars, no Internet, no television, no telephones, nothing.

Travel is via light aircraft, and supplies are dropped off after a 200km boat trip through crocodile infested waters.

So for these people to come to the Lake and share experiences with the locals – knowing they will most likely not return – is hard to deal with. It was heart-wrenching to see the men of the Catfish, Dog and Turtle clans hide their faces and cry as their friends returned to the other side of the planet. These are men who get up in the morning, kill a deer in the forest and carry it 10km on their shoulders, back to feed their families.

Each village along the way to the airstrip was out waving goodbye.

The foresters will return to the Lake to continue training and working after a holiday at home, in their highland provinces. They have been camping in the bush for three months. Away from their wives and children and away from their staple foods which are very different to Sago (the staple at the lake). Not to mention travelling by dugout canoe, which is as foreign to them as it is to someone from New York. A few of the foresters have learnt to swim during their three months at the lake.

Around 25, 000 hectares have been demarcated and15 clans have mapped out their land for the first time. Ancestral stories have been transformed into GPS points on maps.

Logging and mining companies have created a culture of ‘cargo’ in PNG. Local landowners are dazzled by displays of wealth then tricked into poverty.

It is difficult for tribal leaders to match this culture of cargo but eco-forestry is challenging it. Slowly but surely communities are taking their land, their lives and their future back into their own hands.

I think everyone who has come to Lake Murray during the GFRS has been empowered. Words cannot describe how effective eco-forestry is for community development, and for protecting the planet’s last forests. Words cannot describe the beauty of Lake Murray, of the people, of the forest.

Taboobey! (a GFRS unblog)

A revelation... over the past 3 weeks I've been stuffing myself with thousands of dollars worth of exotic fish. Bustar (Indonesian forest campaigner) told me that the Saratoga's commercial name is actually 'Arowana'...

Gaspppp! (moment of silence)

still more silence as the reality of the moment sinks in.

Here's a low down on the Arowana. Back in Malaysia (or anywhere else for that matter), the Arowana is a prized exotic aquarium fish that can fetch prices of up to a thousand dollars. It is highly revered among the Chinese people as a bringer of good luck; but in reality, it is really a tool to impress others that screams "look at me... I can afford an Arowana. Isn't it beautiful".

Before this, I was actually doing alot of pondering myself. I've seen the Saratoga and noticed its striking similarity to the Arowana. I told myself that it can't be an Arowana... It just doesn't make sense to me that such an expensive ornamental fish would be served so frequently (when I was at Awekaim, we had it every other day... honestly, I'm getting really sick of Saratoga already... it's not very tasty. Instead, Baramundi is my fish of choice). I chose to ignore the fact that it could be the Arowana... Of course, until this morning.

(insert dramatic orchestral crescendo here)

Fact: I really should not write about the consumption of endangered fauna here in the blog as it may freak the living hell out of fellow environmentalists reading this blog, we were told. "Gasp... but they're endangered and you're environmentalists. Shouldn't you be protecting these creatures instead. How unbecoming."

Reality: Here in Lake Murray, Anything that walks, crawls, swims, or flys is edible. Anything that can be boiled, fried, grilled, smoked, roasted, or steamed is edible. Unfortunately for those of us who lives in the "civilised" world, endangered animals qualify for both the former and latter list.

I reckon its only natural for us greenies to critisize such palates. The truth is, I think it's important for us to realize that we should not make blanket assumptions. I'm not saying that we are to make exceptions, but we need to understand that the 'endangered' animals hunted here are hunted in a sustainable manner. A single clan here owns hundreds of acres of forest area and they hunt only in an area that is less than 1% of their total forest cover... leaving a whole lot of space for the animals to regenerate. What we should freak out at is the illegal wildlife trade where poachers hunt to satisfy an unsustainable worldwide demand. Here, the demand is local... most importantly, the people respect and manage their resources.

In the same way, eco-forestry does the same thing too. Cutting down trees may sound horrible, but if done the right way... it does more good than bad.

There I've said it... it's almost dinner time and there's a tasty cassowary cooking in the pot. Bon apetit'.

In Retrospect... Sawmill Training (a GFRS unblog)

Today is the last day of the sawmill training here at camp Awekaim, Ogia. For the past 2 weeks, Amele have been drilling the 15 participants really hard... filling their heads with mathematical formulas, secret key numbers, computing (calculating I mean) skills, and of course sawmill handling skills.

Being the end of the training, I decided that I must interview Amele today... otherwise it'll never be done and my film will be denied the awe-inspiring wisdom of Amele.

The interview lasted more than an hour, but one question burns in me.

"At the beginning of the training, you told the participants that there's 380,000,000 kinas (120 mil USD) that could be made from the forest in the next 25 years. Don't you think that by saying this you might raise the expectations of the participants?"

"I'm not here to raise their expectations... what I'm trying to do is to teach them how to value their forests. Because, if the community allows industrial logging, that would be how much they will be robbed by the logging industry... leaving them with 3 kinas per cubic meter of timber and no forest left. But if they learn how much the value of their forest is, they can do the work themselves in a sustainable manner, have more money for their community and at the end of it still have their
forest with them... once again, i'm teaching them to take timber out of their forests, while keeping their forests in their forests."

Amele was also rather upset at Camp Awekaim's landowners who have chopped up way too many trees to set up the milling camp here... especially since the camp is located within the forest management area of the clan. Well frankly speaking, it really does look like hell here (Luke codenamed this place 'camp hell', and I do agree with him)... trees are felled, with no shade the sun burns every inch of my skin, mozzies thrive like mad (and so does flies in the morning)... it's not a pretty sight. It looks like a smaller version of a clear felled land. When I first arrived 2 weeks ago, I had serious doubts. "Is this the future of eco-forestry? gasps!", I exclaimed secretly in my heart.

One may think that the above paragraph is not gonna do much good for the campaign... but one need to realize that as noble an idea or a campaign might be, mistakes will be made. The trees felled for this camp is one mistake, and fortunately the clan's landowners are sorry for what they've done and have learnt their lessons... the landowners from the other clans have also learnt their lessons from this too.

I asked Amele what do we do about this. He told me that he'll get the participants to take a seed each from the forests and replant them in the camp. I follow Jaime (a participant from catfish clan) into the forest and he picked a seed and took it to the camp. Amele insisted that the kids from the clan come along and see the seed being planted. Once that was done, he told the kids...

"This tree will be your responsibility. You'll need to look after this tree until it becomes big because all this forest will one day belong to you."

Cable Schmable (a GFRS unblog)

Usukof village is buzzing (both with activity and mosquitoes). The projection system is being setup and the air is thick with excitement. Everything seems to be in place. Tonight, we are updating the community on the clan boundry demarcation work in the paradise forest with a little slideshow.

Laptop computer... check.
LCD projector... check.
Power generator... check.
Presentation CD-ROM... check.
Projection sheet... check.
Proper connections between computer and projector...

Alas, the VGA cable we bought along refuses to insert itself into both the computer and the projector. We scratch our heads.

Scratch, scratch, scratch... (out here in mozzie central, I find myself scratching more than my head... I resist)

Unfortunately, the only solution we have is to come back another day. Well, We can also simply play back the slide show from the laptop screen, but I reckon having 200 people looking into a tiny 15" computer screen is not so bright an idea.

At this point, I can't help but think of how technology can be so absurd. It's unbelievable how a small little cable is able to stop a show from going on. I reckon if the tables are turned and the locals were to give us a presentation, they'll be able to fix whatever glitches in a matter of minutes. All that needs to be done is a quick walk into the forest and the missing part would be readily available.

There was a slight air of disappointment... the slideshow is suppposed to be a highlight for the community tonight. Fortunately, in true Lake Murray style, things lighten up soon enough; our attempt to setup the projector was a spectacle in itself. Goodbyes are exchanged and hands are shaken as we depart from Usukof. Secretly, I'm glad that the presentation didn't happen tonight, that means we'll have to come back to Usukof again (which I really like).

We are scheduled to return next Wednesday. In the mean time I think I'll go into the bush with a bow and arrow and go hunting for a VGA cable.

Here's A Thousand Words (a GFRS blog)

I want to write alot of things about the logging industry here in Papua
New Guinea. Especially about how so many Malaysian companies are
involved in the destruction of the paradise forest.

About 80% of the logging companies occupying Papua New Guinea are from
Malaysia. Very often, despite having permits to log in PNG, most of the
operations are conducted illegally; where massive blocks of forest are
cleared and the rights of the local community gravely violated...
leaving landowners with 3 kinas (about 1 USD) for every cubic meter of
timber logged when it fetches 1000 times more in the foreign
marketplace, and no forest to fend their livelihoods with.

It pains me that my fellow countryfolks are conducting such atrocities
to the people of PNG. Today, when we were at the school for a small
presentation, I hung my head low and apologized to the children for what
Malaysia is doing to PNG.

"Hi, I'm Chi from Malaysia... don't worry, I'm not here to take your
forests, I'm here to help you save it"

I looked at them, I see the future of Lake Murray and PNG in their
eyes... I became more ashamed... I hung my head lower.

There are alot more that I want to write about, but unfortunately can't.
I asked the good doctor, Reza to take a photo of me. As cliched as it
may might sound, but they say a picture says a thousand words... here's
a thousand words.



pix description : breaking the silence, courtesy of Reza Hossain (the
good doctor).

Here's Your Calculator and Measuring Tape (a GFRS blog)

The midnight oil burnt incessantly at camp Ogia last night, because Amele had given the sawmill training participants a little homework. With their newfound skills, many of the students were diligently keying numbers into their calculators - working out the volume of standing trees and logs, which had been cut exclusively for the mathematical training session.

It's all part of FPCD’s eco-forestry programme, where selected members of participating clans learn how to use a walkabout sawmill. On top of that, they are trained in calculating and estimating timber output volume from trees and, most importantly, how to appreciate and value their forest.

Tap tap tap… tap tap tap… numbers, numbers, numbers multiplied by more numbers multiplied by Amele’s secret formula key number.

The students returned to class today, armed with their answers for yesterday’s homework. Unfortunately, despite all the hard work invested, everyone got all of the questions wrong.
We were puzzled. Upon further investigation, we found that the students did not know how to use the measuring tape. Some recorded their measurements in centimetres, some in millimetres, and some in inches. Amele slapped his forehead, realizing that he had forgotten to teach the students an important aspect in the procedure.

“Lik lik tasol,” Amele said. Yet, all is not lost and he remained as optimistic as ever. “If you don’t make mistakes, you don’t ask questions. So it is good for us to make mistakes so we will ask questions to find a solution.”

Soon after, all the students mastered the measuring tape and began producing accurate answers in no time.

I reckon the eco-forestry initiative came about in the same manner. Mistakes were made in the past, people began to ask questions. Fortunately, the answers came and the Kunis found a solution in eco-forestry.

The sun has set now and the students are drawn to the kerosene lamp under our hut. It looks like Amele has given them more homework. It is really encouraging to see how keen the students are to learn about the sawmill and managing the forest.

On top of all that, it soothes my heart to know their backyard will be preserved for the benefit of future generations. As Amele said, “I am teaching you how to take the logs out of the forest without taking the forest out of your land.”