To celebrate this nasty cough and flu that I am having, my doctor gave me drugs...
Now I have 6 different kind of drugs working my system...
Work it! Work it!
Unz! Unz! Unz! Unz!
Best of all... I have the 'Don't operate heavy machinery or drive any vehicle after consuming this drug' flu pills... my favourite. Hibernasia here I come.
Unz! Unz! Unz! Unz!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Woe To Me! Woe To Me! Woot! Woot!
Hey kawan-kawan, here is a letter of complaint I sent to the editors of various newspapers after being pissed at the tour agent that was supply me with my festival tickets for the Rainforest World Music Festival...
MISSING THE RAINFOREST MUSIC FESTIVAL
Dear Editor,
I really should be enjoying myself at the Sarawak Rainforest Music Festival, but unfortunately I am typing this e-mail from my hotel lobby.
We booked our tour package for the festival through Cat City Holiday. We were promised that our tickets would be available during check in at the hotel. However, through a slip up by the tour agency, our tickets ended up being stuck with a guide at the airport. Despite repeated appeals to have our tickets sent over, we are still denied of our tickets.
What's even more frustrating is Cat City's attitude at dealing with the situation. They refused to accept any responsibility and on a couple of occasion rudely walked away while we were still in discussion.
It is now 7.30 in the evening and the concert have already started. We have paid in full and spent over a thousand ringgit for the 3 day package,yet we have missed the day's workshops and will be missing part of the night's concert.
This would be my first and last time dealing with Cat City Holiday. Not only have they failed to deliver their promises, their rude customer service leaves little to be desired. I urge future festival goers to book directly from festival organizers or through other agencies.
Sincerely,
chi too & (Name Withheld)
Of course, the letter was never published (as expected), but since I am not some sneaky cheap ass... I also CCed a copy of this email to Cat City Holiday.
Lo and behold, within 36 hours of me hitting the 'send' button, Cat City began this major PR exercise in telling everyone (the media that was there at the festival) that this was all full of shit and we had no right to complain... all this before the letter was even published (and probably will never be published). Talk about having a public relations strategy. Woooheey...
And to add Bananarama to the drama, they began to threaten my friends about having their lawyers write a letter to the editors exposing their names to prove that I am not in the guest list, therefore I actually have no right to complain, unless if I write to the editors within 72 hours telling how sorry I am for complaining when I really am not allowed to (according to them).
I really couldn't be bothered to write back, since it was pretty obvious that the company sucks at dealing with such situations and is merely using intimidation tactics... and since they are freaking my friends out (strangely the company refuses to talk to me and is communicating their messages through my friends...I wonder why), I decided to write the letter anyway... it goes like this (once again, my bowels stand a better chance of seeing the light of day than this letter does):
I REALLY HAD NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN. WOE TO ME!
Dear Editors,
I am writing to you in regard to a letter I wrote to you entitled 'Missing The Rainforest World Music Festival'. It is regretful that
Cat City Holidays is now demanding an apology from me as a result of the above mentioned e-mail.
I apologize for naively believing in the fact that I am a 'legal' consumer since I was not the one who purchased the tickets, neither was my name in the guest list of the package. In this case, I am merely a grieving party who did not understand Cat City Holiday's rigid policies (which I understand is essential for a festival as such) and have acted rashly in response to it.I shall from here on limit my understanding and beliefs as a consumer with rights according to all fine prints, policies, and caveat emptors (no matter how fine they may be) as set by all my future vendors and service providers that I shall be dealing (either directly or indirectly) with.
I also apologize that I have practised my rights as a 'consumer' and thus arousing much anxiety to Cat City Holidays. Through my actions, I have caused them to waste much productive time in their efforts in clarifying matters to the media (and wanting me to clarify things to the media) despite the fact that my letter was not (and probably will never be) published in the first place.
On top of everything, most importantly. I would like to apologize to you, the editors whom I've sent this letter to for wasting your precious time in reading my previous e-mail. It is regrettable that you should have spent your time and attention on such petty matters.
Sincerely,
chi too
MISSING THE RAINFOREST MUSIC FESTIVAL
Dear Editor,
I really should be enjoying myself at the Sarawak Rainforest Music Festival, but unfortunately I am typing this e-mail from my hotel lobby.
We booked our tour package for the festival through Cat City Holiday. We were promised that our tickets would be available during check in at the hotel. However, through a slip up by the tour agency, our tickets ended up being stuck with a guide at the airport. Despite repeated appeals to have our tickets sent over, we are still denied of our tickets.
What's even more frustrating is Cat City's attitude at dealing with the situation. They refused to accept any responsibility and on a couple of occasion rudely walked away while we were still in discussion.
It is now 7.30 in the evening and the concert have already started. We have paid in full and spent over a thousand ringgit for the 3 day package,yet we have missed the day's workshops and will be missing part of the night's concert.
This would be my first and last time dealing with Cat City Holiday. Not only have they failed to deliver their promises, their rude customer service leaves little to be desired. I urge future festival goers to book directly from festival organizers or through other agencies.
Sincerely,
chi too & (Name Withheld)
Of course, the letter was never published (as expected), but since I am not some sneaky cheap ass... I also CCed a copy of this email to Cat City Holiday.
Lo and behold, within 36 hours of me hitting the 'send' button, Cat City began this major PR exercise in telling everyone (the media that was there at the festival) that this was all full of shit and we had no right to complain... all this before the letter was even published (and probably will never be published). Talk about having a public relations strategy. Woooheey...
And to add Bananarama to the drama, they began to threaten my friends about having their lawyers write a letter to the editors exposing their names to prove that I am not in the guest list, therefore I actually have no right to complain, unless if I write to the editors within 72 hours telling how sorry I am for complaining when I really am not allowed to (according to them).
I really couldn't be bothered to write back, since it was pretty obvious that the company sucks at dealing with such situations and is merely using intimidation tactics... and since they are freaking my friends out (strangely the company refuses to talk to me and is communicating their messages through my friends...I wonder why), I decided to write the letter anyway... it goes like this (once again, my bowels stand a better chance of seeing the light of day than this letter does):
I REALLY HAD NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN. WOE TO ME!
Dear Editors,
I am writing to you in regard to a letter I wrote to you entitled 'Missing The Rainforest World Music Festival'. It is regretful that
Cat City Holidays is now demanding an apology from me as a result of the above mentioned e-mail.
I apologize for naively believing in the fact that I am a 'legal' consumer since I was not the one who purchased the tickets, neither was my name in the guest list of the package. In this case, I am merely a grieving party who did not understand Cat City Holiday's rigid policies (which I understand is essential for a festival as such) and have acted rashly in response to it.I shall from here on limit my understanding and beliefs as a consumer with rights according to all fine prints, policies, and caveat emptors (no matter how fine they may be) as set by all my future vendors and service providers that I shall be dealing (either directly or indirectly) with.
I also apologize that I have practised my rights as a 'consumer' and thus arousing much anxiety to Cat City Holidays. Through my actions, I have caused them to waste much productive time in their efforts in clarifying matters to the media (and wanting me to clarify things to the media) despite the fact that my letter was not (and probably will never be) published in the first place.
On top of everything, most importantly. I would like to apologize to you, the editors whom I've sent this letter to for wasting your precious time in reading my previous e-mail. It is regrettable that you should have spent your time and attention on such petty matters.
Sincerely,
chi too
Monday, July 16, 2007
Continuing Misadventures Of The Adventure Drama Queens
Kiki : Can I use your Brazil nuts?
Gigi : No, keep your hands off my Brazil nuts.
Kiki : But your Brazil nuts feel so good...
Gigi : Of course, they're Brazillian.
Kiki : Please...
Gigi : OK... you can have my Brazil nuts... But be careful.
Kiki : Thank you. I'll handle your Brazil nuts with care.
ps: The above conversation may not be 100% accurate. It may not even be 50% accurate. In fact, it can be a fictional piece of fantasy imagined by the author. I don't know...I can't be sure, when the conversation took place, A song was playing in my head, I had too little sleep for 3 nights, and just had the most painful thing inflicted on me. Incoherent.
Gigi : No, keep your hands off my Brazil nuts.
Kiki : But your Brazil nuts feel so good...
Gigi : Of course, they're Brazillian.
Kiki : Please...
Gigi : OK... you can have my Brazil nuts... But be careful.
Kiki : Thank you. I'll handle your Brazil nuts with care.
ps: The above conversation may not be 100% accurate. It may not even be 50% accurate. In fact, it can be a fictional piece of fantasy imagined by the author. I don't know...I can't be sure, when the conversation took place, A song was playing in my head, I had too little sleep for 3 nights, and just had the most painful thing inflicted on me. Incoherent.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Transformers
Optimus Prime takes like 10 seconds to transform.
In the past, it used to be just 'kuscch krussh kooo krsuch' and Optimus Prime would be trailer truck to robot. That's probably no more than 3 seconds.
Now in the new movie...its like.. 'Kruschh Kuschh kroo weee ziiiwoo krsucxs hjurt wewee ziiiii...' It takes like more than 10 seconds.
Isn't that like a major handicap. If I was Megatron I'll just blow Optimus Prime's ass to hell while he's transforming.
In the past, it used to be just 'kuscch krussh kooo krsuch' and Optimus Prime would be trailer truck to robot. That's probably no more than 3 seconds.
Now in the new movie...its like.. 'Kruschh Kuschh kroo weee ziiiwoo krsucxs hjurt wewee ziiiii...' It takes like more than 10 seconds.
Isn't that like a major handicap. If I was Megatron I'll just blow Optimus Prime's ass to hell while he's transforming.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Greetings From Your Motherland
Somewhere in this massive profound universe, there exist solar systems that contains planets such as the earth. In this little planet lies this country called Malaysia which within itself has another country by itself called Sarawak. In Sarawak, you need to pass through immgration checkpoints upon entry and there is a pretty pretty little city called Kuching. Criss-crossing the landscape of Sarawak are thousands of streets one of which is the very quaint Jalan Padungan which is home to trendy cafes, down to earth coffee shops, medicine halls (one of which has a selection of over a thousand different kinds of condoms, and a couple of dildos), thingamajiggas, and whatchamacallits. Among these, is this place called 'bing!'. bing! makes the best iced lattes in the world for RM 9.50. In this glass of latte, lies a temporary moment of euphoria.
ps: I love your motherland, but the father of your land is a real bad motherfucker (and I don't mean that as in Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction.)
ps: I love your motherland, but the father of your land is a real bad motherfucker (and I don't mean that as in Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction.)
Sunday, July 08, 2007
An Ode To Miri
Violently, the wind blows, a plastic bag to the sky it lifts.
Behind glass walls in air conditioned comfort, I contemplate stepping outside.
Verily, it blows, from the sky above a band of thieves.
I slowly fall in futile attempts to retort, behind glass walls I hide.
Violently, the wind blows, my self to the sky it lifts.
Me, Myself, And I: Fun Facts About chi too no.2
chi too loves audio cassette bargain bins. Not that he doesn't have a CD player (in fact, he owns a discman that he carries around with big massive headphones), or is old school in nature (though it can be said that for him to actually still use a discman would qualify him as being old school)... but rather because the car he drives around has only a cassette player (that however is what one would call 'lo-fi').
The beauty about casette bargain bins is that one can usually find really good buys. For example the following happened to chi too today as he spent his time walking around in a department store in Miri, Sarawak...
chi too stumbled into a music shop that has a little bin that says 'music tapes. RM 3.90' (which is slightly more than 1 USD). He walked into the shop and began to rearrange the bin in hopes of finding some gems... lo and behold, he found the following:
- Massive Attack : 100th Window
- The White Stripes : Elephant
- Pulp : This Is Hardcore
As he walked away slurping the corners of his lips with much satisfaction over what was a fantastic buy, he stumbled into yet another shop that says 'Music Casettes. 1 for RM 5.90, 2 for RM 10'. Without thinking twice chi too walked in and came out with the following cassettes:
- R.E.M. : Monster
- Radiohead : Amnesiac
- Radiohead : Hail To The Thief
- The Beatles : Yellow Submarine
- Incognito : No Time Like The Future
- Tori Amos : From The Choirgirl Hotel
chi too is a very happy person when he buys cassettes.
The beauty about casette bargain bins is that one can usually find really good buys. For example the following happened to chi too today as he spent his time walking around in a department store in Miri, Sarawak...
chi too stumbled into a music shop that has a little bin that says 'music tapes. RM 3.90' (which is slightly more than 1 USD). He walked into the shop and began to rearrange the bin in hopes of finding some gems... lo and behold, he found the following:
- Massive Attack : 100th Window
- The White Stripes : Elephant
- Pulp : This Is Hardcore
As he walked away slurping the corners of his lips with much satisfaction over what was a fantastic buy, he stumbled into yet another shop that says 'Music Casettes. 1 for RM 5.90, 2 for RM 10'. Without thinking twice chi too walked in and came out with the following cassettes:
- R.E.M. : Monster
- Radiohead : Amnesiac
- Radiohead : Hail To The Thief
- The Beatles : Yellow Submarine
- Incognito : No Time Like The Future
- Tori Amos : From The Choirgirl Hotel
chi too is a very happy person when he buys cassettes.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
It Bites!
Overheard in a guesthouse in Miri, Sarawak...
Farang : So how is it like in the Niah caves... are there leeches and things like that?
Guesthouse Caretaker : No... only mosquitoes... and birdshit.
pauses...
Guesthouse Caretaker : Birdshit don't bite.
Instantly I imagine birdshit that is actually capable of biting back... That would be a problem ain't it. And what if slowly, defecation progressively begin to evolve to a stage where they can actually bite back. We'll have to revolutionize the way we take dumps then.
ps: I've been defecating healthily despite the strange Penan diet I had over the past week. It's solid, brownish, occasionally with a tinge of yellow, or green... depending on diet I reckon.
Farang : So how is it like in the Niah caves... are there leeches and things like that?
Guesthouse Caretaker : No... only mosquitoes... and birdshit.
pauses...
Guesthouse Caretaker : Birdshit don't bite.
Instantly I imagine birdshit that is actually capable of biting back... That would be a problem ain't it. And what if slowly, defecation progressively begin to evolve to a stage where they can actually bite back. We'll have to revolutionize the way we take dumps then.
ps: I've been defecating healthily despite the strange Penan diet I had over the past week. It's solid, brownish, occasionally with a tinge of yellow, or green... depending on diet I reckon.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Me, Myself, And I: Fun Facts About chi too no.1
When chi too walks on tiled surfaces, he consciously steps on the crevices of the tiles throughout the strech. Or he would step in between the crevices throughout the strech. On one strech, chi too never steps both on crevices, and in between.
Monday, June 25, 2007
'Hello Goodbye' At 'Tayangi Kuala Lumpur'
"Hello Goodbye", a film made not so recently by chi too screens this Friday at 'Tayangi Kuala Lumpur', in conjunction with Central Market's Annexe's 'Processing The City' exhibition. For those of you who have not watched this film in the big screen before, now is your chance...
TAYANGI KUALA LUMPUR
A screening in conjunction with "Processing The City" exhibition by Valentine Willie Fine Art and The Annexe, Central Market
Curated by Amir Muhammad and Pang Khee Teik
Date: Fri 29 Jun – Sun 1 July, 2007
Time: 8pm
Venue: Gallery I, 2nd Floor, The Annexe, Central Market, KL.
Admission: RM5 by Donation
Enquiries: 03 2274 6542
Friday 29 June, 8pm
Hello Goodbye by Chi Too
An LRT ride inspired by a Kings of Convenience song: "Parallel lines, move so fast, toward the same point, infinity is as near as it is far." (5min)
28 Hours Later by Ng Ken Kin
Low-budget Malaysian DV meets big-budget British DV in this cheeky intertextual ride. A party-goer wakes up after a night of disco fun, only to find himself alone in the city. (14min)
18? by Danny Lim
Who's spraying the number 18 around the city? What are they trying to say? Are Malaysians running out of spaces to express themselves? (18min)
Feature
Ciplak by Kharil M Bahar (83min)
A Malaysian student in UK makes extra cash by smuggling pirated Hollywood films back to England. Unfortunately, the day he's supposed to deliver his supply happens to be the day of the biggest raid in the city.
Saturday 30 June, 8pm
Welcome to Kuala Lumpur by Eleanor Low
The city speaks. But is anyone listening? (3min)
Al-Baqarah by Saiful Razman
Enigmatic urban odyssey where people literally never say what they seem to. Named after a part of the Quran. (7min)
Majidee by Azharr Rudin
Two strangers at Puduraya struck up a conversation while walking to Klang Bus Station. What do you know – they are from the same hometown! (15 min)
Feature
The Big Durian by Amir Muhammad
In 1987, a soldier ran amok with an M16 in Chow Kit. It triggered rumours of racial riots. Suddenly, over 100 political dissenters were arrested under the Internal Security Act. The film speaks to real and fictional Malaysians to uncover the facts and myths surrounding this event. (75min)
Sunday 1 July, 8pm
Detour by Jassim Alsaady
How safe is KL for backpackers? No, not from snatch-thiefs, but from weirdos. (27min)
A Day in the Life of by Syed Omar
A perfectionist civil servant in a "jabatan khas" escapes his reality only in his dreams. (10min)
Feature
Bukak Api by Osman Ali
A classic! A safe sex educational video turns into a drama about the trials and tribulations of the sex workers in Chow Kit. (80min)
TAYANGI KUALA LUMPUR
A screening in conjunction with "Processing The City" exhibition by Valentine Willie Fine Art and The Annexe, Central Market
Curated by Amir Muhammad and Pang Khee Teik
Date: Fri 29 Jun – Sun 1 July, 2007
Time: 8pm
Venue: Gallery I, 2nd Floor, The Annexe, Central Market, KL.
Admission: RM5 by Donation
Enquiries: 03 2274 6542
Friday 29 June, 8pm
Hello Goodbye by Chi Too
An LRT ride inspired by a Kings of Convenience song: "Parallel lines, move so fast, toward the same point, infinity is as near as it is far." (5min)
28 Hours Later by Ng Ken Kin
Low-budget Malaysian DV meets big-budget British DV in this cheeky intertextual ride. A party-goer wakes up after a night of disco fun, only to find himself alone in the city. (14min)
18? by Danny Lim
Who's spraying the number 18 around the city? What are they trying to say? Are Malaysians running out of spaces to express themselves? (18min)
Feature
Ciplak by Kharil M Bahar (83min)
A Malaysian student in UK makes extra cash by smuggling pirated Hollywood films back to England. Unfortunately, the day he's supposed to deliver his supply happens to be the day of the biggest raid in the city.
Saturday 30 June, 8pm
Welcome to Kuala Lumpur by Eleanor Low
The city speaks. But is anyone listening? (3min)
Al-Baqarah by Saiful Razman
Enigmatic urban odyssey where people literally never say what they seem to. Named after a part of the Quran. (7min)
Majidee by Azharr Rudin
Two strangers at Puduraya struck up a conversation while walking to Klang Bus Station. What do you know – they are from the same hometown! (15 min)
Feature
The Big Durian by Amir Muhammad
In 1987, a soldier ran amok with an M16 in Chow Kit. It triggered rumours of racial riots. Suddenly, over 100 political dissenters were arrested under the Internal Security Act. The film speaks to real and fictional Malaysians to uncover the facts and myths surrounding this event. (75min)
Sunday 1 July, 8pm
Detour by Jassim Alsaady
How safe is KL for backpackers? No, not from snatch-thiefs, but from weirdos. (27min)
A Day in the Life of by Syed Omar
A perfectionist civil servant in a "jabatan khas" escapes his reality only in his dreams. (10min)
Feature
Bukak Api by Osman Ali
A classic! A safe sex educational video turns into a drama about the trials and tribulations of the sex workers in Chow Kit. (80min)
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Did I Break Your Concentration?
Distracted, the fire eater swallows a mouthful of fire. The fire rages in his insides as he tries to drink countless glasses of water to no avail.
Alas, after almost an hour, the fire eater can hold no more and he implodes from the outside in.
Reduced to a speck no bigger than a minute speck in this vast universe; which is really no bigger than speck in the universe beyond the one that it is.
Alas, after almost an hour, the fire eater can hold no more and he implodes from the outside in.
Reduced to a speck no bigger than a minute speck in this vast universe; which is really no bigger than speck in the universe beyond the one that it is.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Pulp FikSyen
Sometimes I wish I can have 2 bad ass assassins like Jules Winnfield and Vincent Vega (of Pulp Fiction) working for me so I can send them to my corporate clients who think they can fuck around with me. That way all these corporate idiots can be a bit more careful and at least attempt to gain at least a minimal level of intelligence.
If I do, I imagine the following scenario will take place, just like how it did in Quentin Tarantino's Pulp Fiction. Just replace 'Marsellus Wallace' with 'chi too', and 'Guy Whose About To Be Blown To Pulp' with 'Idiotic Corporate Executives Who Think They Can Write, Direct, And Produce Videos'. :
" Jules Winnfield : What does Marcellus Wallace look like?
Guy Whose About To Be Blown To Pulp: What?
JW: What country you from?
GWATBTP: What?
JW: What ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in What?
GWATBTP: What?
JW: ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO-YOU-SPEAK-IT?
GWATBTP: Yes!
JW: Then you know what I'm saying!
GWATBTP: Yes!
JW: Describe what Marcellus Wallace looks like!
GWATBTP: What, I-?
JW: [pointing his gun] Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker. Say what one more goddamn time.
GWATBTP: He's b-b-black...
JW: Go on.
GWATBTP: He's bald...
JW: Does he look like a bitch?
GWATBTP: What?
sfx: Gunshot (BANG!)
Jules shoots GWATBBTP in the shoulder
JW: DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
GWATBTP: No!
JW: Then why you try to fuck him like a bitch, Brett?
GWATBTP: I didn't.
JW: Yes you did. Yes you did, Brett. You tried to fuck him. And Marcellus Wallace don't like to be fucked by anybody, except Mrs. Wallace.
(pauses)
JW : You ever read the Bible, Brett?
GWATBTP : Yes
JW : There's a passage I got memorized, seems appropriate for this situation: Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and
good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
sfx: multiple gunshots (BANG! BANG! BANG!)
Jules Winnfield & Vincent Vega empties their guns on Guy Who Is Now Already Blown To Pulp. "
Unfortunately in reality that is completely impossible because I am a really nice guy and I don't think I can kill anyone, so instead I will write to them a poem instead...
"Buah cempedak di luar pagar
Ambil galah tolong jolokkan
Saya budak baru belajar
Kalau salah... mampus la engkau.
If I do, I imagine the following scenario will take place, just like how it did in Quentin Tarantino's Pulp Fiction. Just replace 'Marsellus Wallace' with 'chi too', and 'Guy Whose About To Be Blown To Pulp' with 'Idiotic Corporate Executives Who Think They Can Write, Direct, And Produce Videos'. :
" Jules Winnfield : What does Marcellus Wallace look like?
Guy Whose About To Be Blown To Pulp: What?
JW: What country you from?
GWATBTP: What?
JW: What ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in What?
GWATBTP: What?
JW: ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO-YOU-SPEAK-IT?
GWATBTP: Yes!
JW: Then you know what I'm saying!
GWATBTP: Yes!
JW: Describe what Marcellus Wallace looks like!
GWATBTP: What, I-?
JW: [pointing his gun] Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker. Say what one more goddamn time.
GWATBTP: He's b-b-black...
JW: Go on.
GWATBTP: He's bald...
JW: Does he look like a bitch?
GWATBTP: What?
sfx: Gunshot (BANG!)
Jules shoots GWATBBTP in the shoulder
JW: DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
GWATBTP: No!
JW: Then why you try to fuck him like a bitch, Brett?
GWATBTP: I didn't.
JW: Yes you did. Yes you did, Brett. You tried to fuck him. And Marcellus Wallace don't like to be fucked by anybody, except Mrs. Wallace.
(pauses)
JW : You ever read the Bible, Brett?
GWATBTP : Yes
JW : There's a passage I got memorized, seems appropriate for this situation: Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and
good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
sfx: multiple gunshots (BANG! BANG! BANG!)
Jules Winnfield & Vincent Vega empties their guns on Guy Who Is Now Already Blown To Pulp. "
Unfortunately in reality that is completely impossible because I am a really nice guy and I don't think I can kill anyone, so instead I will write to them a poem instead...
"Buah cempedak di luar pagar
Ambil galah tolong jolokkan
Saya budak baru belajar
Kalau salah... mampus la engkau.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Middle Baram Region, Sarawak
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
I Will Follow You
- This is dedicated to all my clients...
(sing to the tune of 'I Will Follow You')
"I will follow you
Follow you like a fucking Ah Long
Breathing down your neck til I get my cheque
Splash blood red paint on your office
Be careful your nether orificeeeeeee......
I will follow you."
- This is for all my suppliers and contractors...
"Imagine that it's just like prostitution. Only without the pleasures and the risks of contracting STDs."
(sing to the tune of 'I Will Follow You')
"I will follow you
Follow you like a fucking Ah Long
Breathing down your neck til I get my cheque
Splash blood red paint on your office
Be careful your nether orificeeeeeee......
I will follow you."
- This is for all my suppliers and contractors...
"Imagine that it's just like prostitution. Only without the pleasures and the risks of contracting STDs."
Sunday, June 10, 2007
To She, Whose Faith In The Absurd Saved The Day.
An onion stabbed through its heart.
A dried chilli capped on its stake.
Stabbed to the heart of this earth.
Four corners of our realm, we etiher make or break.
So thus, it holds together the sky.
Bursting at its seams, 3 drops at best.
Oh so very hard it tried,
Onions and chilis put up to the test.
Thus the sky broke.
Into a million pieces it shatters.
Like a needle in the sky it poked.
Pounding the earth, disorienting all matter.
Me, you, and everything we know of.
A dried chilli capped on its stake.
Stabbed to the heart of this earth.
Four corners of our realm, we etiher make or break.
So thus, it holds together the sky.
Bursting at its seams, 3 drops at best.
Oh so very hard it tried,
Onions and chilis put up to the test.
Thus the sky broke.
Into a million pieces it shatters.
Like a needle in the sky it poked.
Pounding the earth, disorienting all matter.
Me, you, and everything we know of.
Friday, June 08, 2007
A Sufi Parable
There once existed a mythical lion in the heart of the Saharan dessert. A few inteprid explorers set out to seek this lion.
They walked through the desert...
Lo and behold they caught sight of the lion. Fearing that it could be nothing more than a mirage, they hid behind a rock (in case if it really was a real lion) and looked from afar.
Suddenly the lion looked up to them. The lion said to the explorers 'Come here...' (mind you, not only can this lion talk, it speaks in English... with perfect diction. It said 'come here', and it wasn't like 'Rrrrrrrr....comeeee grooarrr...here'. Absolutely perfect with a slight British accent.)
And so they approached the lion.
Once they were close enough, the lion ate them up.
ps: I took the liberty of modifying the parable... This may or may not have been based on an actual Sufi parable.
They walked through the desert...
Lo and behold they caught sight of the lion. Fearing that it could be nothing more than a mirage, they hid behind a rock (in case if it really was a real lion) and looked from afar.
Suddenly the lion looked up to them. The lion said to the explorers 'Come here...' (mind you, not only can this lion talk, it speaks in English... with perfect diction. It said 'come here', and it wasn't like 'Rrrrrrrr....comeeee grooarrr...here'. Absolutely perfect with a slight British accent.)
And so they approached the lion.
Once they were close enough, the lion ate them up.
ps: I took the liberty of modifying the parable... This may or may not have been based on an actual Sufi parable.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Terbang Tinggi
Aku melihat asap berkepul-kepul naik ke angkasaraya perlahan lahan. Lambat laun ia akan bersatu bersama awan-awan di awang-awangan.
Tidakkah ia tragis? Di hari esok, nafas kita akan sesak. Bersatu bersama di awang-awangan.
Tidakkah ia tragis? Di hari esok, nafas kita akan sesak. Bersatu bersama di awang-awangan.
Goodbye...
I hope you find your way back to Penang...
Busses run every hour,
Trains leave at Eight FortyFive in the PM.
Busses run every hour,
Trains leave at Eight FortyFive in the PM.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Mekong Mango Shake
This recipe was taught to me by Louis of Louis Restaurant in Luang Phabang, Laos. I call it the Mekong Mango Shake because it is usually enjoyed whilst dreaming away by the Mekong River.
Here's what you need...
- 2 mangoes (cut up into chucks)
- a coupla ice cubes
- fresh milk (a tad)
Directions...
1) Whack the ice cubes in the blender till it feels right. (You may want to pulse the blender so you don't fuck the blender up)
2) Add mangoes into blender
3) Whack it a bit
4) Add some milk... and whack everything till the cows come home.
5) Pour into a liquid consumption apparatus
6) Enjoy
ps: by whack, I mean turn the blender on and let the blade do the whacking, otherwise I would have suggested a mortar and pestle.
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