There exists a problem, a very big problem, a problem so big that if not solved instantly, might develop into a full blown international diplomatic crisis. This problem must be immediately brought forward to the attention of the international board of secret squirrels.
On the big screen TV of the secret squirrels headquarters conference hall projects the most horrorful (it was so horrific that the secret squirrels decided that no word in the existing set of vocabulary fits the situation. Therefore the ministry of vocabulary decided that a new word must be concocted to reflect the true situation. However, the cabinet did not agree unanimously on this. Some felt that 'horrorfuliffic', or 'horrendousful', or even 'horrorlicious' would be much more appropriate. But of course whenever such suggestions were thrown by one party, the others would go 'oh that is so absolutely horrorfullic!' or, 'oh my, how can we endorse such a horrorful word!'. Eventually since 'horrorful' received a majority of votes (albeit a very thin majority), it was thus decided that 'horrorful' should be that new word. Of course this does not go well for the others. Allegations of vote fixing, phantom wording, alphabet tampering and money politics were hurled. A call for a recount resounded; but due to the urgency of the situation, the minister decided that they should stick on 'horrorful'. "We will repel the word 'horrorful' from our vocabulary once this crisis is over, but for now, in the interest of national security we must, temporarily insert 'horrorful' into our vocabulary...", said the minister. Of course, one can imagine the fury of those who opposed the word... insults were hurled and the other party quickly formed an alliance and walked out of the hall in protest. Later, when interviewed by the press, a representative of the opposition said "We stand united... in principle, to unanimously oppose against the formation of such a horrorful word") image ever seen in the history of squirrelkind. A giant screw is lodged in the bellies of the earth. The earth is literally being screwed.
Surveyors were dispatched instantly to the site. So big was the screw that it took them 2 hours to measure the entire length with their 'zebra brand' wooden ruler. In total, it measured 278 feet (let it be known that the reason it took so long to measure this screw was because the ruler that they used was merely 30 centimeters long. It would have taken much longer if they had sticked to using the 15 centimeter one, fortunately a kind anonymous squirrel bought the 30 cm ruler out of his own pocket and donated it to the cash strapped surveyors.), give and take a couple of inches.
The secret squirrels fall into a stupor. As they chew on their winter reserve of pine nuts, they find themselves asking 'who in the right mind would go into the trouble of driving such a big screw into the bellies of the earth?', even more puzzling was 'who on earth would possess such a massive screwdriver, capable of driving such a humungous screw?'. They scratch their heads.
Scratch...
Scratch...
Chew...
Chew...
Scratch...
(to be continued...)
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