Saturday, December 30, 2006

Vomit Blood!

vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood vomit blood

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Can I Have Real Coffee?


Need to get out of this four walls.
Need to drill a hole through the floor.
Need to break this grey sky above me.


To make things worse, its instant coffee....
4 cups so far.

Need real brewed coffee.

2 Yolks A Day Keeps Everything Away

I cracked an egg into the wok for a little sunny side up breakfast.
Oh what delight, 2 egg yolks I find.
A good omen?
Or maybe it merely means that they've fed the chicken fertility drugs.

Ahhh... cynicism will be the death of me.

However (there must always be a 'however')
I choose to believe in the former.
On a day like today,
I'll need all the luck I need.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Overheard At A Christmas' Eve Party.

Proof that I was not too drunk (ahem...) that night.
Overheard at a certain Christmas' Eve pary (not that I have a lot of them to go to) :

"Got fingers enough already la",

Please correct me If I am wrong.

Merry 'finger licking good' Christmas.

ps: the above mentioned quote may or may not have anything to do with anyone dead or alive, and if it is, it is a pure coincidence that what I wrote reflects the utterence of that said person (who may, or may not be alive or in existence) who may or may not have too much too drink for the night. Cheers.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Sociophobes Anonymous

I'm thinking of setting up a support group for sociophobes like myself. Maybe that way I can meet more people like me who really couldn't give a shit.

But then again, I'm thinking. The participants' sociophobia would probably deter them from wanting to attend such social groups... even if it is a support group. That means I'll probably be the only person in the group... or rather, un-group.

me: Hi, my name is chi... I am a sociophobe...

There will be no 'Hi Chi!'. There will be no applauses. Everyone will be sitting at home sulking about what boring lives they lead.

There you go...11 more steps to go.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

A Letter To Penny

Dear Penny,

I hope this letter finds you in good shape. How are you doing? I am doing great if you want to know. The doctor told me that I'll be ready to leave in a couple of weeks if I keep up at this pace. If not for the grey that's painted on this sky above me, the doctor reckons that I could have left earlier. But it's alright, after so many months in this place, I'm beginning to like it already.

I've not heard from you for quite some time now. Are you alright? But then again, its probably because I've not written for so long now. I don't blame you for not writing. You can't keep on writing about how busy work is, and how you have no time for anything else all the time. Hey, don't be mistaken... I'm not saying that your letters are boring, If anything I would still like to receive your letters even if all you do is repeat yourself. All I'm saying is that I understand the predicament you are in and it is fine with me.

I've stopped hearing voices already and I sleep like a baby nowadays... even without medication. Over the past couple of weeks, I've developed some rather green fingers. Mr. Nathan, the caretaker of the center, has taken a liking to me and was sharing his passion of growing organic vegetables with me. He allocated a small little patch of land for me to grow my own vegetables. My cucumbers, carrots, cabbages, and brinjals are all growing real fine. The only problem is that, I probably won't be able to see them ripe... by then I'll be out of the center. Nonetheless, the gardening has done me lots of good. I've never felt so alive before, working the land is very hard work and I believe the work would be enough exercise to last me an entire life time.

I reckon I'll see you in a week or two. Would you still be busy then? I hope you are not as I am looking forward to spending time with you. I've seen you for so long now, I wonder if you look any different than before. Maybe you should come visit me once before I leave this place (somehow you've never visited me here), then you can lay your worries to rest and know that I am not in such a bad place after all. Maybe I'll show you my vegetable patch then.

I look forward to hearing from you...

from whom it may concern.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Filmmakers Anonymous Step 1/12

A Divine Intervention

Hundred and one blogs
Wow, It's unbelievable
This long I lasted.

Anyway, I was having an extremely depressing weekend. Out of nowhere; on Monday, I found this little 1 and quarter inch x 3 and half inch card that says the following:

This is just the way you are, and it's fine.
Do not fight it. Let yourself feel however you feel.
Just stay aware of your thoughts and feelings.
Embrace them, do not judge them.
You are healing, growing and making progress.
Remember to be easy, loving and slow with yourself.

I don't believe in cheesy inspirational thingamabobs... but I take this as a divine intervention.

PS: I still have no idea where this card came from.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

To Whom It May Concern

This came by a little too late.
A random walk around the city tonight I will take.
'Kaze Wo Atsumete', I'll gather the wind under my wings.
Yet I lack wings... these incredible means of propulsion.
Only hands... such shameful means of manipulation.
One would say that I am being overtly melodramatic...
But melodrama has no place in a reality stained with (dare I say it...) meloncholy.
I once did a test on my temprement...
It says that I am 'meloncholic'.
Greatest discovery of the 21st century. Bring out the champagne and caviar.
We'll have a jolly good time while I wallow in my newfound meloncholy.
Did I just spend a good 5 hours of my life just to find out that I am... meloncholic.
It was then when I realized that tests are for idiots
Since It doesn't take a genius to see me as such.

So to whom it may concern,
Please bear with me, as I seek ways in which to bear with myself.


Wednesday, December 13, 2006

How Now Brown Cow

What to do?

Left? Right?

Left of the right, right of the left...

Right to the left, left to be right.

Maybe I'll merely stop

And take up a factory job.

Monday, December 11, 2006

A Note To Self

Note to self : stop visiting the Paradise Forest Weblog

Heartbreaking is having the conscious knowledge of losing something eternally and having a deep longing for it simultaneously.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

(Rewind / Fast Forward) Beautiful Strange

I was asked how does one get to Luang Phabang, the most beautiful place in the world...

Suddenly in my head I have this temptation to recall 'Beautiful Strange', strange misadventures in beautiful indo china. So, what I did was in the most succint manner, dissect my entire route, and images and recollections of these places begin to project themselves vividly in the cavity of my universe... this indo china shaped hole.

bus to penang - train to bangkok - train to poipet (cambodia border), get pickpocketed - minibus to siem reap - bus to phnomphen - bus to battambang - back of pickup truck to poipet - train to bangkok - train to vientiene (laos) - bus to vang vieng - bus to luang phabang - bus to vienteane (to get 30 more days at border) - bus to luang phabang - bus to udomxai - bus to luang nam tha - bus to nong khiaw - boat to muang ngoi neau - boat back to nong khiaw - the next ten days was a whole bunch of pick up trucks, trucks, and hitch hikes to xam neau - truck to vieng xai - truck to nam meo (vietnam border) - hired jeep to god knows where somewhere in the middle of vietnam and couldn't ask cause we can't speak vietnamese - mini bus to thanh hoa - bus to hanoi -train to hue - mini bus to hoi an - mini bus back to hue - bus to savanakhet (laos) - bus to pakse - truck to ubon ratchatani (thailand) - train to bangkok - flight back to kl.

Madness... these images play in my head now... I yearn to return to Luang Phabang... maybe you would like to come along?

Good night, may your dreams tonight generate fascinations of lands far far away.

clicking on the above photo transports you to 'Beautiful Strange'.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The Insomnia Series : Part One

In the past couple of nights, sleeping posed to be a problem. I've lost that ability to fall asleep the moment I hit the bed like I used to. Tonight is not an exception.

I roll around... I trash around... This 'sleep' thing I've heard about... where can I get some.

It is so elusive... It avoids me.... at the mention of my name, it runs away at great speeds.


Please come back to me. Batty, I might be... but I am not a bat. I need my sleep in the twilight hours.

Does that explain my incoherence in the time of light. Is that why the words that are coming out of my mouth is out of sync with the movements of my lips. (and you wonder why this blog entry makes no sense at all)

Excuse me, there's a rat in my bowl of soup. Won't you stir it with your broom and add a capsicum to it so it might have that wonderful cola taste without the sugar. That way maybe we can get together and build a large empire in our little closet so we can haul up all the queen's jewels. If we're lucky maybe we can sell them off to that man who lives across the street who lives with his cats, maybe that will stop his dogs from barking.

Excuse me, did I cease to make sense once again... congratulations, I'm sorry.

How I long to sleep...

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


Believe in your dreams, and I don't mean 'dreams' as in the kind where you aspire to do or be something. No, not that crap.

I'm talking about the dreams that comes creeping into your head univited while your eyelids come together and sends your body into temporary slumber...

Shhhh... shhhh.... be very quiet or you'll wake me up.

Please be quiet... I don't want to wake up. Given a choice I'd like to lull in eternal slumber. My real life is such a nightmare, I often confuse my waking and moments of slumber.

Shhhh... shhhh.... be very quiet or you'll send me to sleep.

But then again... If you're going to be very noisy, maybe I'll wake up from this nightmare.

Maybe we've been wrong all this while... maybe the real world lies in our dreams, and what we live in is a perpetual dream (or for some of us, a perpetual nightmare). Have we grown so attached to this dream that we embrace this as reality? Maybe the real world begins only when we fall asleep... In which case, the process of falling alseep is actually waking up to reality.

Make some noise... I want to wake up now. Or in your feeble understanding of the truth... I want to fall asleep now...

I want to sleep eternally.

To wake up.


Saturday, December 02, 2006

Meet Charlie!

For my mom's birthday
We got her a tabby cat
I named him Charlie

Friday, December 01, 2006

Margaret Cho - These Christian Groups Have Lost Their Minds.

"they have no rights to call themselves Christians, because they have no Christianity in them. They have no kindness. They have no compassion, no charity. I want Jesus to come back and say 'That's not what I meant!' "

disclaimer : The above post does not represent my ideals of all christians... well, most, but not all. I still find Catholics and some protestants I know to be pretty cool people. You know who you are.

ps: Over the past couple of days, I've been obsessed with Margaret Cho who I think is the funniest person alive. Thanks to the 'orang utan hunter' whom introduced me to her.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Take Back The Tech

In support of 16 Days Of Activism. I'm too lazy to tell you what it is about, click on the link above to find out.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I Need Another Hug

May I?


thank you.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

A Sneeze For Love

I've been on hiatus... sorry.
Wait a minute, I am not sorry.
There are times when words fail me.
Very often I can't tell you what I see.

Here's a post that have been sitting in my 'draft' folder from since before I went to Sarawak. Enjoy

Once again, I've failed to resist the temptation to visit the Paradise Forest weblog. Over the past couple of days, I've been yearning to sit on the bow of the banana boat as it skims above the tranquil surface of Lake Murray. Staring into an infinite horizon, soon, the incessant whir of the engine manned by Murray (the bestest boat driver in the world) begin to fade and blend with the silence of the atmosphere, interupted only by my thoughts... which I sometimes utter aloud. Shhh... it's so quiet, my thoughts seems so loud that I often find myself failing to distinguish between what is on my mind and what I speak... confusion sets in as I find myself uttering my deepest innermost thoughts and keeping to myself the things I ought to tell others. Shhhh.... I yearn once again for this solitude... to escape all that is full of shit since everything is so fucking absurd and the idiots that surrounds me are all useless and god why can't I just put all these people in a box and ship them to afghanistan maybe i should watch tv tonight maybe i should get some coffee oh I love you please don't leave me I promise I'll be good to you maybe yes maybe not maybe we can make things better again...

Opps... did I just think aloud? sorry, that wasn't meant for your eyes. Anyway, as I was looking at the Paradise Forest Weblog, I read this post by Grant Rosoman (GP forest campaigner)... It made my day, maybe it will do the same to you too...

A sneeze for love
Posted by Grant, forest solutions campaigner

A Melanesian custom that I've come across here at Lake Murray, in other parts of PNG and also in the Solomon Islands is: when you sneeze it means someone who loves you is thinking of you.

It's such a wonderful thought and feeling!

So I now welcome sneezes when they come, as they join me to my family who are far away from Lake Murray. I've encouraged everyone else at the GFRS to take this custom on board as well

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

This Is So Fucking Absurd no. 02

This is so fucking absurd
This is so fucking absurd
This is so fucking absurd

I needed to buy flight tickets. SInce I don't feel like bothering my sister for her credit card to book online, and since I have plenty of time at hand; I decided to buy them over the counter.

This is so fucking absurd
This is so fucking absurd
I make no attempt to hide from you that this will eventually lead to tragedy.

I went... I pressed the queue number generating machine and my number reads... "336".
I wait, It can't take that long... The number on the display says 219. The time on my clock says 2:55 pm
I wait...
I wait...

This is so fucking absurd
This is so fucking absurd
This is so fucking absurd

The time on my clock reads 3:15 pm, the number on the display reads 225. "It really won't take that long" I tell myself. On a scale of 1-10, my optimism reads 6899.

This is remotely absurd
This is remotely absurd
This is remotely absurd

I wait...
I wait...
I wait... 3:30 PM

I make my way to Starbucks. I tell myself I'll drink a cup of coffee and explore the big big universe of cyber space.
A short latte' with one pack of raw sugar... just the way I like it. Amazingly, it was a really good latte', a rarity in Starbucks.

Lo and behold, my favourtie geek buddy, the venerated Tiara Maskara, the Maori queen from the land of sheep and friscian cows appear online.

We chatted and we chatted and we chatted.

The time says 4:15 PM.

"I gotta go now, I think my turn is up"

It's quite absurd
It's quite absurd
It's quite absurd

I return... the counter says '290 something'


This is remotely absurd
This is remotely absurd
This is remotely absurd

I return to Starbucks... but without a cup of coffee at hand, I sat on a bench from a slight distance...
The airport reception on my mac is weak...well, I can't complain, I'm stealing a signal.

"Hi, I am back"

We launch video conferencing... I can't hear shit, she can't hear anything. We saw each other and exhanged compliments on how good the other person looks. I'd like to believe that when she says 'you look really good', she really means it; but when I said that... I really did mean it.

Tiara Maskara showed me her daughter... she looks really good. I think she will be worried when her daughter grows up since she would probably look really good. She would have a problem keeping the boys at bay.

We can't hear shit...
The pictures are jerky
Oh...This can't be.

This is so fucking absurd
This is so fucking absurd
This is so fucking absurd

I closed the video conference
It is giving me a headache.
The sight of myself in video.
Sort of makes me sick.

I returned to the counter again.
I checked the number.
I returned to the counter again.
I checked the number.
I returned to the counter again.
I checked the number

I want to vomit blood

This is so fucking absurd
This is so fucking absurd
This is so fucking absurd

I finally returned for one last time and my turn is six numbers to go.

5:20 PM... "336"

"Hello, how are you today, I would like to book the following flights for the following days...yadayadayadayadayada"

Total amount... RM XXX

This is so fucking absurd
This is so fucking absurd
This is so fucking absurd

"But that is so much more than when I checked online an hour ago"

"If you want it cheap, you'll have to book it online"

Uncontrollable rage.... hyperventilates.

"You mean to tell me that you make me wait for more than 2 hours and then you want me to pay so much more."

Uncontrollable rage.... hyperventilates.

"Well, it is your choice. If you choose to buy over the counter."

Uncontrollable rage... hyperventilates... walks away... forget about it.

This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd. This is so fucking absurd.

Such is the world I live in.... I cannot afford a credit card, therefore I buy over the counter with cash.

Is this how it works... "Since you're too poor to afford a credit card, we're going to make you wait for hours on end. No! we don't need to give you seats while you wait. You'll wait for hours on end and then we'll charge you much more for your ticket. Well, someones gotta pay extra... If you don't, whose going to subsidize the cheap tickets that are purchased by rich people with credit cards. Hey... It's not my fault that you're poor."

Ahhh...21st century commercial imperialist mantra 'Steal from the poor and give to the rich".

I hyperventilate. I call effasyafizadesa. I bitch on end. I hyperventilate.

effasyafizadesa: "breathe slwoly, breathe slowly... take slow deep breaths"

This is so fucking absurd
This is so fucking absurd
This is so fucking absurd

I stop breathing altogether.

warning: not breathing may result in dying.

Monday, November 06, 2006

How To Survive An Airlines PNG Flight...

As the plane flies across the lake, my heart was filled with meloncholy as I leave everything, and everyone at the lake behind; knowing that any chance of returning is as remote as the chances of getting a pack of dingoes to babysit a toddler.

I look out my window... Sigh...

I look at my front seat pocket... and find this...

Papua New Guinea has one of the best pilots in the world. For a country as small as PNG, they have about 800 airstrips and airports that are in active service... If you include the ones that are inactive, there are almost 2000 of them. Given the inpenetrable terrain, flying is obviously the vehicle of choice. However one can never be too cautious.

As you can see, it says 'please do not remove card from aircraft'. Unfortunately, my itchy fingers got the better of me. With no flight attendants and the pilots fully concentrated on what's ahead of them (so I would like to believe), slipping this card into my bag was as simple as "(insert really bad 'stealing' analogy here)".

I however take my hats off to Amele (FPCD forester) who managed to defy the following rule...

Well, he didn't really defy the rule, he just found a loophole. It says 'no spitting bettlenut', well... he merely kept chewing without spitting, no one said 'no chewing'. But what's really amazing is that for 4 hours, he did not spit... for those of you in the dark, chewing bettlenut sends your saliva glands working overtime. I couldn't last 10 seconds without spitting. Amele, yu trupelah man.

- this blog entry is dedicated to all Global Forest Rescue Station volunteers of Lake Murray, Papua New Guinea. Lukautim bus nah lukautim arse bilong yu,

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

One Desire

Tonight I have one desire
That is to dream beautifully
While I lull in saturated slumber
Would you please pray for me.

I Wish...

I wish Mahathir would shut up.

I wish the press would start asking Mahathir, 'What about when you turned Malaysia into a police state'.

I wish the crime beat police could be half as effecient as the political beat police.

I wish I can write this without the fear of having the political beat police reading this.

I wish I can stop fearing the political beat police.

I wish I can stop fearing.

I wish I can stop wishing.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Please Green My Apple

I love my macbook, but unfortunately Apple Macs are like one of the most toxic computers out in the market. They look good, but they don't dispose well.

Log on to to see the truth behind your mac and what you can do about it.

Alternatively, download the above JPG image, print it on a sticker paper, cut it up, and paste it on your mac laptop. After that, give the rest of it to your machead friends and strangers. That way, we can all hold hands and make apple green.

Monday, October 23, 2006

(insert title here)

No... you did not just do that.
I run away, at great speeds down the alley
I run and I run and I run while my eyes stare into the sun.
I can barely see.
I run...
I can barely see.
I run...
I dodge the faint shadows that lie in my way.
I run...
I run into a glass wall.
I break into a million little pieces.
I pick myself up to put them all back together.
I put them all in the wrong places...
The pieces don't fit but I force them in anyway.
I think I left a couple of pieces behind.
Oh, fret not,
this happens fairly often.
I keep running...
Of you I ask for one thing.
If ever you should stumble into my loose pieces,
please spare a moment...
Step on it not, kick it aside not, brush it aside not.
If I may so boldly ask of you...
Pick it up and keep it in your jar.

ps: you may choose to keep it, you may return it.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Start Stop Startle Topple

Startled by a friend long unseen
A step missed, ankle twists
like pretzels half uncooked
To the floor you crumple,
Six thousand eight hundred and ninety nine pieces.

In limbo,
to laugh, to express shock,
or to merely go 'what the fuck!'

Please excuse my incoherence
I should stop using big words...
Only small words from here on
Or my head might just burst...

like you, into six thousand eight hundred and ninety nine pieces.

Thank you for appreciating my consideration.
I'll take into consideration your appreciation.
Maybe I'll stop speaking in signs and symbols.
Maybe I'll stop altogether.

photo by the beautiful effasyafizadesa

Saturday, October 14, 2006

The Bangkok Post no.2

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. Ligula suspendisse nulla pretium, rhoncus tempor placerat fermentum, enim integer ad vestibulum volutpat. Nisl rhoncus turpis est, vel elit, congue wisi enim nunc ultricies sit, magna tincidunt. Maecenas aliquam maecenas ligula nostra, accumsan taciti. Sociis mauris in integer, a dolor netus non dui aliquet, sagittis felis sodales, dolor sociis mauris, vel eu libero cras. Interdum at. Eget habitasse elementum est, ipsum purus pede porttitor class, ut adipiscing, aliquet sed auctor, imperdiet arcu per diam dapibus libero duis. Enim eros in vel, volutpat nec pellentesque leo, temporibus scelerisque nec.

Monday, October 09, 2006

(for want of a title)

It's been quite some time now since I submitted a blog entry... As I pass through this phase of my life, I desired to put my life and the world, this world so arcane, into perspective. I took a giant leap up into space just for that. From high above, the world seems... for want of a better word, 'minute'. I stared at the world... so blue, so round, so quiet from up above. Soon, just as how the dense atmosphere on earth suffocates me, the lack of atmosphere in outer space does the same.

Alas, this temporary beauty lasts only but momentarily (one can of course debate the validity of this phrase). As I struggle to swim my way across the universe, it dawned on me that I've left my jet-pack behind. Such idiocy, I hit myself in my head. Little did I realize the force of this impact; that of my hand and my head, was so strong that it sent me zooming back to earth's atmosphere at such a mind boggling speed that in an instant, from a tiny little dot, the world in its entirety filled my field of vision.

ZIng Boom!

I meet the earth's atmosphere. I've held my breath for too long. I take a deep breath. It burns. The tremendous speed of my body rubs against the atmosphere. The friction sets my clothes on fire. Every breathe I take burn my lungs. I am naked, this atmosphere burns me from the outside to the inside and from the inside to the outside, soon they meet in the middle.

My skin burns.

My lungs burn.

My muscles burn.

All my other organs burn. (I would like to name these organs one by one, but due to my insufficient knowledge in the biological sciences, I can't.

Soon all that's left is my heart... whom somehow miraculously survives re-entry is now making its way down to earth; thanks to that wonderful invention we call 'gravity'.

It hits the ground with great force... but due to its elasticity, it bounces off. (Bear with me, but how this works is that as the heart accelerate its way down, it gathers momentum and accumulates kinetic energy. Upon hitting the ground, the kinetic energy of the said object becomes potential energy and launches to the opposite direction. But here's the most important bit, since the dissipation of energy is imperfect, not all of this energy would be converted to kinetic energy, some of it becomes heat due to the friction created during the momentous momentary moment as the said object hits the ground. So as this process repeats itself, the said object would bounce with less force over time, eventually bringing the said object to a complete stop. One may think that energy must have been lost through this process, but the law of thermodynamics states that energy cannot be created nor destroyed, however it can be converted into different forms, which means that energy will always be in a state of equilibrium.) It shoots up into the sky, real high, but not so high as to penetrate the earth's atmosphere.

This process repeated itself for the next one thousand years (with less intensity over the years) and my heart eventually comes to a complete stop somewhere in the area between South East Asia and Turkey.

For quite some time it lays there. Though without a body, it lays there still pumping. Air passes through its cavity, left aorta to right aorta (once again, forgive me if i've got all these wrong, my knowledge in the biological sciences is crap... sorry for repeating myself... sorry for being sorry, i really shouldn't be sorry... but I'm sorry... I'm really really sorry though I have no reason to be sorry), right artery to left artery... my heart pumps in vain.

Slowly as it lays in the barren ground, grass begins to grow around it. Grass so green that painters begin plucking them to produce paint pigments for a green colour so vivid that when its used, audiences are often fooled into rolling on their paintings thinking that it is actually a grassy field. Of course, this does not go down well with these artists as they often find their masterpieces ruined with unsightly shoe prints. Soon, this grassy field continues to grow and spread further. Sunflowers begin to grow followed by a variety of flowers... petunias, daisies, bird of paradises... pretty much every flower you can imagine, even cauliflowers. Slowly, trees begin to sprout everywhere. Trees of every size and physique, tall, short, broad, softwood, hardwood, palms, every single kind of tree on can imagine... It is basically a rainforest if you ask me (but fortunately you won't be).

Eventually, this beautiful rainforest becomes somewhat of a tourists attraction as the local government decide to gazette it as a protected forest reserve.

One fine day... in the midst of the hoards of tourists that come visit this rainforest, you stroll along... You're singing a happy song as your knee length jet black hair rub against the bark of the trees you pass by.

Deep beneath the foliage, you hear a pulse. You dig into the foliage and there you find... hidden deep beneath the forest lays a fully functional human heart. You put your right hand to your chest and feels a cavity. It augurs you well to have this heart all for yourself.

You pick my heart up, and places it in that cavity in your chest.

You go away.

Soon, the leaves begin to wither, the trees lose their strength and begin to tumble one by one... the grass recedes... all is bare again.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Beware The Walruses

For those of you who plan to make trips to the Antartica, here's a little information about walruses for your knowledge.

Beware of walruses.

The following text is stolen from Wikipedia.

Walruses (from Dutch: wal meaning "shore", and r(e)us meaning "giant") are large semi-aquatic mammals that live in the cold Arctic seas of the Northern Hemisphere. Two subspecies exist: the Atlantic, Odobenus rosmarus rosmarus, and the Pacific, Odobenus rosmarus divergens. The Pacific walrus is slightly larger, the male weighing up to 1,800 kg (4,000 lb), but usually males only top out at 1,600 kg (3,500 lb). The walrus should not be confused with the elephant seal.
Walruses are members of the order Carnivora and suborder (or alternatively superfamily) Pinnipedia. They are the only members in the family Odobenidae. The compound Odobenus comes from odous (Greek for "tooth") and baino (Greek for "walk"), based on observations of walruses using their tusks to pull themselves out of the water. Rosmarus originates in the Swedish word for walrus. Divergens in Latin means "turning apart", referring to the tusks.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


I fucked up... real bad.
I think I need a hug.


No one?


I think I'll go to sleep.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Freedom Film Fest & chi too Double Bill.

Four winners.
Three days.
Too controversial.
One event.

Dare to document?


@ Taylor's College Subang Jaya

Sept 29 - Oct 1 (next week!)

It's a 3-day film fest featuring documentaries from local & foreign filmmakers, amateurs, communities.. the whole works!

Free event. Did i say free? YES, free, zilch, nada.
Just gotta email to get your invites or turn up on the day and get it there!!

Come and be blown away by the social issues and controversies running rampant in our society and around the globe.
or call Effa 016 653 1167 for more details.


yeah...dengan tidak malunya i will pull a plug...
I have two films screening at the Freedom FIlm Fest this year. Yes ladies and gentleman... it is a chi too double bill.

first... "Ada Apa Dengan Cina?" (Friday, Sep 29, 8PM), If you like to see two Chinese boys swearing incessantly in cantonese bitching about what a bitch it is to be Chinese in Malaysia, this is just the thing for you.

second..."Paradise Bus" (Saturday, sep 30, 4 PM) If you're more of a nature person... this is a film about a bunch of indigenous people in Papua New Guinea bitching about Chinese boys from Malaysia tearing down their forests. Fortunately, unlike the cina boys in the previous films, these people go beyond bitching and does something about it.

Datanglah beramai ramai.

And if you live up north and is going 'Oh my, I would love to catch these works of genius by chi too... but I live so far away, I think I'll cut my wrist and die for not being able to watch them...'. Before you pick up that knife, be glad and know that the programme is travelling up to Penang the following week in Actor's Studio Greenhall.

For those of you who live down south or in the east, well... go ahead and pick up that knife.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

If I Ever Have Kids

If I ever have kids I will name them...

'Too King Kee', 'Too Ron Chee', and 'Too Sek See'.

That way they can introduce themselves as "Hi, I'm Too (King Kee)" , and people can make remarks like "oh... you're just too (kinky)", and get away with it.

Oh, I'm just too raunchy.

Friday, September 22, 2006

The Public Transport Conspiracy

I'm getting sick of Starbucks... right now...within a span of 2 hours, I've been in 2 Starbucks outlets already. Within the last 12 hours... 3.

I think I have about enough of Starbucks already. Right now, I am actually writing this from a Starbucks... Why?

Because there is a major public transportation conspiracy here in Bandar Utama.

I had a coupla of hours to kill after a job I did here in PJ... so I thought I'll just head on to One Utama to get some work done before I head off to my 7:30 PM presentation... of course when I say to get some work done, it means at Starbucks.

6:30... it looks like a good time to get going... an hour seems plenty, considering that I'll have to wait for a cab and shit. The taxi stand at One Utama is void of any taxis... strange. I thought maybe if i were to walk out to the main road my chancesof getting a cab would be better.

Little do I realize the terror that lays ahead of me.

Usually when I try to grab a cab, I'd walk along the road (it's a habit I developed... don't ask me why) as I wait...

I walked...

and walked...

I kept walking...

30 minutes later I find myself at Centerpoint Bandar Utama. Still no signs of a cab... I thought maybe I should just stop walking and wait here, lest I end up in Inner Mongolia.

I waited...

and waited...

I kept waiting...

I sent my director (whom I was supposed to present to) an SMS:

"Sorry... I think cabbies are allergic to Bandar Utama"

I kept waiting, the cabs that were passing by refused to stop for some strange reason. The tick tock reads 7:30 PM now. Back in my driving days, this is somewhere I frequent quite alot, but today... for the first time in my public commting days I felt a sense of vulnerability. Suddenly, it feels like as if any attempt to get anywhere by public transport from here is impossible. No buses passing by, no cabs passing by... nothing. Despite the familarity, I felt like I was in the middle of nowhere with no way to get out of it.

It's like when I was in Loas travelling on the 'highway' to Xam Neau. I remember how the truck I was hitching on dropped us in this lil' village by the 'highway' (excuse me for quote unquoting the word 'highway', In Laos, a highway is equivelant to the jungle dirt roads we find in Borneo). I asked the villagers, how often does any vehicle passes by this road... 'Oh maybe 1 hour 2 hour... maybe 1 or 2 times one day'. Even in such circumstances I felt it was easier for me to get a ride (which I eventually did) than right now here in Bandar Utama.

In my feeble mind I'm beginning to draw a theory... a conspiracy theory. I have reasons to believe that cabbies are paid to not come to Bandar Utama... and If they do come, they are probably instructed to never pick anyone up. And who is behind this racket. Well, car sales and dealerships of course. By ensuring that public transport remains crappy here in Bandar Utama, the somewhat affluent community of this sub-urb would rush out in throngs to buy cars. "To hell with public transport", they'll says.

This frustration is causing me to once again failing to differentiate between my spoken words and the words that are going through my head. From my mouth, I began to murmur 'fuck! fuck! fuck! what the fuck! argghhh! fuck!'... little do I realize that I am articulating these words... The man who was waiting in the same taxi stand looked at me funny and kept a distance.

I called my director...

"I think If I can't get a cab in the last hour it would be highly unlikely that I can get one in the next hour. Maybe we should reschedule."

And reschedule we did... I then did the most intelligent thing and asked my sister come have dinner with me here in Bandar Utama... That way, after dinner she can send me to a more godly place where I can grab a cab or a train or a bus, or whatever home... Or probably just a cab.

And here I am waiting for my sister at Starbucks... she is yet to arrive.

I am now listening to Bjork's Medulla.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

sad is...

watching a monologue in mono about mononess.
(read... watching a monologue about staying single; by myself)

It's a Wednesday night. The clock reads 8 pm and I have nothing to do for the night. I read Lainie's blog. She wrote about this play she watched called 'Gadis Jalan Burmah'... bla bla bla ha ha ha. At the end of her blog entry, she says that it runs until this saturday everynite, 8:30 pm at DBP theatre.

I look at my clock...

8:10 pm.

DBP is 10 mins away, my night is expected to be bursting at its seam with boredom... and it'll only cost 17 ringgit if I misuse my 'student card'.

Kartini Shuib celebrates her 42nd birthday and is in the midst of baking her own birthday cake. Her mom passes her a man's business card. While contemplating calling this man for a date she revisit memories of ex boyfriends, dodges her mom's accusations of being lesbian, and chain smokes. As much a joke her cake's recipe is, all the above elements make one fucking hillarious monologue.

It is funny alright... but somehow, somewhere between the start and the end it got kinda scary actually. It feels like I was looking into some sort of a primordial looking glass into the future of how life in mono may turn out for me... sure I'm not 42, but like the monologue says 'the clock is ticking'.

tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock.

Oh no! the tick tock monster strikes again.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Afternoon Delight

I want a chocolate coated vanilla ice cream
served on a crispy waffle cone
Oh so delightful, my heart desires
I'll be nice and change my tone.

Words Of Wisdom & Inspiration

It's Jac SM Kee's birthday... and to commemorate her birthday, she gave us stuff instead...

thing no. 1
"Jac SM Kee : a collection of poetry"...
a book where my gambarajah was used for the inside cover, i am so honored. Inside it, she wrote to me words of wisdom and inspiration...
- Always drink lots of water (wisdom)
- The sky, though wide, is smaller than the universe (inspiration)

thing no. 2
"a phallus shaped whistle from Mexico"
So... am I supposed to blow this thing? Piitttttttttt!

Good night and good day.

now listening to Architecture In Helsinki.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

10 Things You Oughta Know About Me

I bumped into this thingamajigga on Lainie's blog. I would say, they are all very true and accurate...

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Chi too!

  1. It's bad luck to whistle near Chi too.
  2. Chi too can't sweat!
  3. Never store Chi too at room temperature!
  4. Chi too was first grown in America by the grandmother Maria Ann Smith, from whom his name comes.
  5. The Vikings believed that the Northern lights were caused by Chi too as he rode out to collect warriors slain in battle.
  6. If you drop Chi too from more than three metres above ground level, he will always land feet-first.
  7. Contrary to popular belief, Chi too is not successful at sobering up a drunk person, and in many cases he may actually increase the adverse effects of alcohol!
  8. Forty percent of the world's almonds and twenty percent of the world's peanuts are used in the manufacture of Chi too.
  9. The pigment Indian Yellow was manufactured from the urine of cows fed only on Chi too.
  10. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find Chi too.
I am interested in - do tell me about

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Hello Again

The jarring difference began setting in the moment I stepped into the Tanjong Pagar railway station in Singapore. Barely passed the immigration checkpoint and still in Singapore soil, I have this feeling that I am back home in Malaysia already.

Dirty toilets, faded signs, walls which layer of paint is left to rot… well, I’m back in Malaysia all right. As the train pushed away, I can see that the tracks and the area around it were utterly horrendous. Separated by a flimsy wire mesh fence, rubbish are thrown
everywhere while the bushes grow creeping on every available surface that is Malaysia; while just beyond that fence lies Singapore with its eerie immaculate appearance.

It is scary to know that despite its shoddy appearance, a sense of relief overwhelmed me as the train crawled past the Singapore-Malaysia border. I looked closely as the train passes the causeway. The moment we pass that line, a sense of fear sweeps over me as the causeway appears like it won’t hold up the weight of the train. It’s horrible, it’s kinda fucked up but I have to admit that I have grown accustomed to the ways that are Malaysia.

And as if to really remind me that I am now back in Malaysia, the train buffet coach attendant just approached me to inform me that my overpriced fried rice could not be served. Why? The chef just found out that they’ve ran out of gas. Ahhh… Malaysia Boleh. Instead I settled for a microwave heated burger that required much less cooking. It tastes like crap but I’m hungry as hell.

It is now one forty in the afternoon…. According to schedule I should arrive in Kuala Lumpur in 2 hours time. That is if the train stays on schedule. When I got my ticket, everyone was puzzled as to why I bother taking the train; it’s slow and always delayed. Well, there’s something between me and trains that is quite sentimental. Let’s just say that it is sometimes like meeting an old friend. Such meetings are seldom rushed.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Singapore Wa Wa

“I’ve not eaten all day yesterday, can you give me some money so I can buy some food.”

A burly Indian man, with tired bloodshot eyes approached me. He looks like he really needs some food. Trusting that he’ll use the money I’m about to give him to buy a meal (I made him promise me that it’ll be used for that), I looked into my wallet and decided that 2 Singapore Dollars is too little for a meal here; I gave him 4 instead. That way he can buy himself a proper meal.

Thus was how my day began in Singapore.

As usual, Singapore once again freaked me out with its perfect, sterile environment. Sidewalks are spanking clean, people walk at 120 miles/hour, public amenities ran like clockwork, even the trees on the sidewalk are perfectly spaced, and they are all cut to the same height precise almost to the milimeter. On top of that, the IMF/World Bank is having a conference here in Singapore; my substation friends pointed out to me…

“Last week, these sunflowers you see here were not here. Suddenly they popped out overnight... everything about Singapore is about being No.1, about doing everything really well, and so on and so forth…”

I was reminded of Akash’s film that was screened the night before. In one of the scenes the protagonist remarked on how the Selayang market was spruced up with potted plants and shit like that simply because Queen Elizabeth’s motorcade was passing by. Ha! We have the same shit back home.

Well, I replied by comparing Singapore and Malaysia… at least Singapore goes on with the rhetoric and carries out the rhetoric efficiently. Here in Malaysia… it’s loads of rhetoric and everyone goes ahead and do a half assed job. At least in Singapore, the authorities have got good taste in landscaping and design, thus making the city much more livable.

“Things may look beautiful here on the outside… but are we all really happy inside” he responded.

Well, I reckon that is not for me to judge. It’s not like I have to deal with your draconian government everyday, I have my own draconian government to deal with.

That night, as I was walking back to my hotel, I bumped into the Indian man again. He thanked me incessantly for giving me the money. I asked him what do you plan to do tomorrow. He said that he usually makes money by doing odd jobs in markets and such but there are days when he can’t get any work at all and starves.

People find the title ‘worker’ in my namecard amusing. I look at this man… Aren’t we all really just merely workers at the end of the day. I wished him all the best for tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Wind In My Face

I just spent 2 days in a rented seaside bungalow in Cherating. It was absolutely decadent. Every room was a house by itself (the toilets are bigger than my room back home) perched on top of a hill overlooking the South China Sea.

From our little enclosed environment, we did nothing but hang out in the pool, sing karaoke, play ginrami, and watch from our vantage point high above the lesser minions playing in their so called beach; unlike us who are privileged enough to have our own swimming pool. Oh how I wish those peasants could see us in our pools, that way they can envy and prostate at our feet when they see how great we are.

Oh yeah… once in a while, we would go down to the beach too; but of course don’t expect us to mix around with them fellow peasants, we have our own private beach.

That’s about it. What can I say about a holiday like that. Nothing.

And I flew a kite* if you want to know.

*in a moment of lapsed concentration, I let the kite go and it is now stuck in some tree in Cherating.

Friday, September 08, 2006

I Made A Porno

While I was minding my own business, I received an SMS from Amir Muhammad... the curator for the upcoming S Express series for the Asian Film Symposium which is scheduled to screen 'While You Were Eating' this Tuesday in Singapore. (I think I just broke the world record for world's longest sentence... Malaysia Boleh, next I will try to recreate that sentence is space).

Amir: You are just too rauncy!

I was like, what the hell... given the fact that I can't tell the difference when someone is trying to be sarcastic anymore, I really could not make sense of what he was trying to tell me.
So I replied...

chi too: Me? Raunchy? You give me too much credit. Are you speaking in signs and symbols again. Sorry, I've not evolved into such an advanced being as you.

Amir: I take it that you've not checked your email yet.

No... of course I've not, I don't check my email when I am not at home. So I got home and received the following e-mail from Kristin, the Asian Film Symposium coordinator:

"Dear Chi Too,

It is with great regret that we have to pull out “While You Were Eating” from the programme because the film is not granted a PG rating. Unfortunately, we are only licensed for PG rated films at The Substation. However, we would still love to screen it privately for our guests coming to Singapore, and to have you with us all the same. Please let us know your thoughts.

"bla bla bla bla..."

Wow...I made a porno flick... stunned for a moment...don't know what to think... then I sent my actors the following SMS..

chi too: congratulations, you are now an official porn star.

go figure.

ps: While You Were Eating will be uploaded to check out the page in a few days time. cheerios.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Monday, Bloody Monday

I lost some money
She lost her tribunal case
While he lost his life.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Haiku At Noon

Boring afternoon
Eating cotton candy balls
I will race you there.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The Merdeka Series: I'm Lovin' It

I had a nightmare the other night. I dreamt I was a Hindu trapped in a lrt and the walls of the lrt are real juicy beef burger patties, fresh vegie, crispy fries and soft soft buns. To escape, I have to eat my way out... I was eating and eating and eating and suddenly I was this huge obese dude (though i am quite close to it anyway) crawling out the lrt tracks .... :(

Wait a minute, it is not a dream after all. These LRTS are for real. And they are right here in multi-cultural Malaysia where our leaders constantly reminds us to be sensitive, and to respect each other's culture and religion.

Oh I forgot. This reminder applies only to those of us Bangsa Asing people. It is therefore our responsibility as an alien race to be respectful of the national religion. So even if it is insensitive to Hindus, it is alright. Just as long as we don't offend our Muslim friends.

Of course, I am thankful that I have the freedom to practise whatever religion I choose to (unless if I am Malay which makes me a Muslim automatically... though I'm not too sure by whose powers) and the constitution guarantees that all religions are equal.

But then again... here in Malaysia, all is equal... but some are more equal than others.

Malaysia... I'm lovin' it.

note: photos provided by Honeystar.
re-note: first paragraph plagarised off Honeystar with permission.
re-re-note: despite providing me with photos and permission to plagarise, Honeystar do not necessary subscribe (and probably not at all) to my politiks. She is a very nice person who so happens to have a bad friend like me.
re-re-re-note: honeystar... pinky promise.

Monday, August 28, 2006

The Merdeka Series: A Letter from Commander Panda.

I received an email from Commander Panda (of Panda Head Curry, who single handedly caused me to evolve into a mass of pure energy) on his sentiments on being a Malaysian. I liked it alot, so I sent him an email...

dear commander panda,
can i humbly seek your permission to cut and paste this email onto my blog as part of my 'the merdeka series' blogs on my blogspot. it would be good for my readers to be enlightened with the eternal wisdom of panda head curry.
chi too

and he replied...

Well, in addition to being this millineum's greatest minds, Panda Head Curry is magnanimous. Particularly to you carbon based homosapiens (as you've probably figured, we've evolved ourselves far ahead of the rest of the class).
So, please feel free to spread the seeds of our genius in the virtual aether, so others my feel our love and taste our chicken.
Send us your a link to your blog, so we can see what you mere mortals are up to these days.

So, here's the email he first sent me. Enjoy...

Hey Ho kids!

Hell, we here at Disarseter Records just want to have a good ole rockin' time. We've never been interested in Politics, Religion, Tree Hugging Activistas, Gender/Diversity Issues or anything that didn't involve, alcohol, loud amplification, copious amounts of alcohol and back stage groupie gymnastics.

No siree, Bob.

However, it's hard to turn a blind eye, particularly when the real world starts invading our rock star cocoon....particularly when it comes armed and start shooting at the youth in our community (more below).
It's a few days till we celebrate the 49th year of independence, a year shy of half a century of self rule.

So, what have we got to show for this? Well, this year, in addition to the Celelebrity Death Match between former and current PM, crooked bridges, cracked flyovers, and trying out how to pay govt contractors the several billion RM owned to them.....we got:

A Fundamentalist, Nationalistic, Brown Power rally to:

* Remind non Malay/muslim citizens that they are "bangsa pendatang"/"bangsa asing", so remember to behave yourselves! For some reason they think just because they contribute to our economy, society and pay taxes, that they are equal to us.
* Remind followers of other faiths that we respect your right to practice your religion and in turn please respect the fact that ours far superior to yours.
* Remind us that matters of faith and belief are NOT personal if you are born muslim, and are to be managed solely by ulamaa's, in particular our buddy the Mufti of Perak - Harry Z as he's known amongst his Hip Hop followers.
Also, Lina Joy's been responsible for a recent outbreak of rabies amongst the fundie crowd.

Cops harassing kids:

* Goatgate I New Year's Eve. 300+ kids detained at Paul's Place for devil worship and goat hearding.
* High Noon at the OK Parking Lot AKA Goatgate II - 19 August 2006. Cops go on a cowboy shooting spree outside Paul's Place in Old Klang Road, firing in the air to break up an alleged fight between 2 punk gangs....who I assume were hitting each other with bargain Fender, Gibson and BC Rich knock off guitars and drum sticks because they were frisked for any other weapons.

But in all the gloom above, here's a bright spark!

Technology: We enter the Space Race! Beam me up Scotty!

The first Malaysian astronaut program is underway. This momentous event has spurred a flurry of research and development in the following cutting edge areas:

* Can we get a Batik space suit?
* How do you get the sauce to adhere to your satay in zero G.
* What if the Malaysian astronaut turns out to be Malay muslim (Could he be otherwise? World Beater Squash Champion Nichole's the wrong race and can't let what happened at Everest recur, though we dubiously "salvaged" Moorthy and his corpse)
o How's he going to pray and wash himself in zero G.
o How do you compensate for orbital frequencies and relativistic effects of being in orbit to calculate prayer times?
o Which direction do you face?

(Note: No advanced calculus, numerical methods or physics methodologies were abused in the above analyses)

The above priorities sure warm the cockles of this engineer. I'm glad my tax ringgit is going to fund the above studies. I sure as hell can't think of any other experiments that I'd like to conduct in zero G...well maybe beer funnel fluid dynamics may be fun and once I've done those funnels, would I have to pee as bad as if I were on Earth..or would the zero G reduce the strain on my bladder.

Engage, Mr. Crusher.

Fly that flag proud, boys and girls & mind the Bollocks.



Sunday, August 27, 2006

The Merdeka Series: Ada Apa Dengan Cina (The Chinese Dilemma)

In true Malaysia Boleh! spirit, I actually made a Cantonese film despite my inability to write in chinese and my laughable attempts at speaking Cantonese.
Made for Pusat KOMAS' bangsat... I mean bangsa Malaysia eduacation series, this film is about 2 Cina boys contemplating what there are going to do in a society marred with racial inequalities.

Ada Apa Dengan Cina (The Chinese Dilemma)
-written and directed by chi too
-produced by Mien Lor for Pusat KOMAS
duration: 13 mins 29 secs
language: Cantonese/Tamil
subtitles: English

Saturday, August 26, 2006

The Merdeka Series : Vulgarity and Gender, A Racial analysis.

In about 5 days time, multicultural and plural Malaysia will celebrate her 49th birthday. In conjunction with that, in true muhibbah spirit I will be conducting a few inconclusive studies (or rather self analysis) on the Malaysian psyche.

In this first study, I will analyze gender perceptions through the use of 'top-of-the-mind' vulgarities among the many racial groups based on their own mother tongues. I will be comparing how different races use words that are associated with genatalia (male and female), verbs, and other nouns... then I will see how this relates to gender perception among different races.

As a benchmark, I will compare it to a neutral language that does not belong to any race in Malaysia; that's English, the very western and un-asian lingua franca of the world.

In English... vulgarities that are often used are as follows:

1) fuck - verb, slang for copulation
- to express surprise, 'oh fuck!'
- to express anger, 'fuck you'
- as an adjective enhancer, 'this is so fucking absurd'

2) shit - noun, excrement
- to express surprise, 'oh shit!'

3) dick - noun, male genitalia
- as an adjective, 'you are such a dick'

4) cunt - noun, female genitalia
- as an adjective, 'you stupid cunt'

In Cantonese, a language widely used by the Chinese people of Malaysia, the following expletives are commonly used:

1) tiu - noun, slang for copulation, equivelant of the English word 'fuck'
- to express surprise, 'tiu!'
- to express anger, 'tiu!'
note: unlike 'fuck', 'tiu' cannot be used as an adjective enhancer. However, the next word can.

2) lhan - noun, male genitalia
- as an adjective enhancer, 'tit mah chan chou yeh hou LHAN chat* man'
- as an adjective, 'lei thei hui ker yeong, LHAN kum yuk shuen'
* the word LHAN is often paired with the word CHAT, though one can use LHAN by itself without problems.
note: by adding the modifier 'si' (which means shit), 'LAN SI' means arrogant.

3) hai - noun, female genitalia
- as an adjective, 'chuen tho HAI kam yeong ah'
- to express anger, 'ma* HAI!'
* MA (which means 'mother') must be coupled with HAI in order to express anger, otherwise, using "HAI' by itsef fails to make any sense at all.

In Bahasa Melayu, the lingua franca of Malaysia; and a language widely used by the Malay community of Malaysia, which makes more than half the country's population... the following vulgarities are popular:

1) puki - noun, female genitalia
- to express anger, 'PUKI la woi'
- as an adjective, 'PUKI betul la'
note: the word PUKI is often used with its modifier 'MAK', which means 'mother', forming the word 'PUKIMAK'

2) pantat - noun, female genitalia
- to express anger, 'PANTAT la woi'
- as an adjective, "PANTAT betul la'
note: the word 'PANTAT' is not a vulgarity in Indonesia... over there it simply means 'buttocks'.

3) bhuto - noun, female genitalia
- to express anger, 'BHUTO la woi'
- as an adjective, 'BHUTO betul la'

In Tamil, a language widely used by the Indian community in Malaysia... the following vulgarities are popular:

note: unfortunately, the Indian community are quite marginalised in Malaysia, therefore nobody really bothers to learn to swear in tamil. Though it can be observed that the Malays, Chinese, and Indians all swear in all 3 languages; English, Chinese, and Bahasa Melayu. That is one thing that makes us quite muhibbah and multi-cultural.
re-note: there probably are vulgarities in the Tamil language, unfortunately I don't know any. Therefore, this makes a truly Malaysian study, since they are always discounted anyway in such studies and surveys.

It is observed that the English language has 1 vulgarity that is a verb, 1 that is a female genitalia, 1 that is a make genitalia, and 1 that is a noun. Gender wise, equality prevails as both sexes are credited for vulgarities named after their body parts equally. The same can be said about the Chinese (1 verb, 1 female genitalia, 1 male genitalia). However, it is observed that all vulgarities in Bahasa Melayu all refer to the female genitalia; it can be said that a certain degree of sexism can be observed from how they swear. It is quite strange that despite having a slew of vulgar slangs for the vagina, there seem to be none at all for the penis in Bahasa Melayu.

note: there probably are more vulgarity in the said languages, but this is only accounts 'top of mind' vulgarities. Listing down all existing vulgarities may render the this blog unsuitable for children.

re-note: you're probably thinking that this is a completely pointless study (and I will agree with you). But if the Merdeka Center can come up with pointless studies, I think it is my right as a Malaysian to do the same too.

re-re-note: this blog entry is inspired by Ben's Bitches', after having heard their song, 'Run Peter Run' like over a thousand times.

re-re-re-note: Happy Merdeka Day.

Friday, August 25, 2006


hopefully I'll see you soon...

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Mr. Bunny Sees

Mr. Bunny can finally see...
Much love to that strange 3 eyed monster from Hong Kong for donating his 3rd eye. Mr. Bunny would also like to thank professor Strange for the successful eyeball clone and surgery.

Monday, August 21, 2006

This Is Your Brain On Drugs

You will need,

- 4 potatoes
- 1 stalk coriander
- 1 whole onion (finely chopped)
- 5 cloves of garlic
- extra virgin olive oil
- salt and black pepper

1) Peel and quarter potatoes, boil with salt and chuck in the coriander root. The root is like the tour de' force of the coriander (flavour wise), so it really helps with giving the potato some flavour. Boil it to a point where you can stick a fork into the potato and it breaks (the potato, not the fork).
2) Chop up the coriander, onion, and garlic real fine. Put them in a bowl (big enough to put everything plus potatoes). Add salt and some fresh ground pepper.
3) Mix everything up and add a dash of extra virgin olive oil.
4) Chuck the boiled potatoes into the bowl and mash them up real fine. This is my favourite bit, when the hot potatoes hit the raw ingredients... The heat from the potatoes unlocks the flavours and this aroma hits you real hard. Make sure the ingredients get mixed together while you're mashing the potatoes
5) Taste it. You will lose consciousness for a moment.
6) Upon regaining consciousness, see if you need to add some more salt and pepper.
7) Bon apetit!

Warning: for those of you who can't deal with onions, don't make this. The whole idea of this dish is that you get a really intense taste of raw onions and garlic that makes it a rather exotic tasting dish. Boleh pengsan

Re-warning: I do not assume any responsibility if the dish does not turn out as good as it is supposed to be. If so, that only means that you're a lousy cook.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

This Is Not Poetry!

It's a Saturday morning.
I called you... alas! No answer. I texted you... alas! No reply.
Do I disgust you? Does my mere existence make your insides choke?
If only I knew...
If only we spoke a bit more...

Was it because I spoke too much?
Did my lips move out of sync with the audible sounds that are coming out of my mouth?
I see your fingers struggling... hitting the 'mute' button incessantly.
If only I knew...
If only I spoke a little less...

A little bit less...
No more...

I disappear.

Friday, August 18, 2006

0684 : death by analogue

I picked up what might be my last roll of straight processed slide colour film yesterday. For the first time, it has dawned on me that maybe I will eventually be too poor to shoot film. What used to be 11 ringgit to process is now 18 ringgit. Major shock.

I asked the photoshop lady why the atrocious pricing... Well, apparently the advent of digital photography have pushed slide film to a new low, demand-wise. Thus, it costs more to process now since there is less to do so, yet they still need to prepare the same amount of chemicals to do so. sigh....

So, I present you '0684 : death by analogue', a collection of nonsensical colour photographs... and what would probably be the last of my colour photos. It is absurd.


maybe not...

hello chloe...

maybe not...

my biggest fan.


why not?

definitely maybe.

maybe probably maybe...

aural pleasures.

oral pleasures.

the other chaulys

maybe here...

maybe there...

maybe not everyone can fly...

maybe it will fly, maybe it won't.

it probably does.

flying east...

maybe i'll let you pass...

maybe I'll stay.

may I?

thank you very much you're far too kind.