Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Beware The Walruses

For those of you who plan to make trips to the Antartica, here's a little information about walruses for your knowledge.

Beware of walruses.

The following text is stolen from Wikipedia.

Walruses (from Dutch: wal meaning "shore", and r(e)us meaning "giant") are large semi-aquatic mammals that live in the cold Arctic seas of the Northern Hemisphere. Two subspecies exist: the Atlantic, Odobenus rosmarus rosmarus, and the Pacific, Odobenus rosmarus divergens. The Pacific walrus is slightly larger, the male weighing up to 1,800 kg (4,000 lb), but usually males only top out at 1,600 kg (3,500 lb). The walrus should not be confused with the elephant seal.
Walruses are members of the order Carnivora and suborder (or alternatively superfamily) Pinnipedia. They are the only members in the family Odobenidae. The compound Odobenus comes from odous (Greek for "tooth") and baino (Greek for "walk"), based on observations of walruses using their tusks to pull themselves out of the water. Rosmarus originates in the Swedish word for walrus. Divergens in Latin means "turning apart", referring to the tusks.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


I fucked up... real bad.
I think I need a hug.


No one?


I think I'll go to sleep.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Freedom Film Fest & chi too Double Bill.

Four winners.
Three days.
Too controversial.
One event.

Dare to document?


@ Taylor's College Subang Jaya

Sept 29 - Oct 1 (next week!)

It's a 3-day film fest featuring documentaries from local & foreign filmmakers, amateurs, communities.. the whole works!

Free event. Did i say free? YES, free, zilch, nada.
Just gotta email to get your invites or turn up on the day and get it there!!

Come and be blown away by the social issues and controversies running rampant in our society and around the globe.
or call Effa 016 653 1167 for more details.


yeah...dengan tidak malunya i will pull a plug...
I have two films screening at the Freedom FIlm Fest this year. Yes ladies and gentleman... it is a chi too double bill.

first... "Ada Apa Dengan Cina?" (Friday, Sep 29, 8PM), If you like to see two Chinese boys swearing incessantly in cantonese bitching about what a bitch it is to be Chinese in Malaysia, this is just the thing for you.

second..."Paradise Bus" (Saturday, sep 30, 4 PM) If you're more of a nature person... this is a film about a bunch of indigenous people in Papua New Guinea bitching about Chinese boys from Malaysia tearing down their forests. Fortunately, unlike the cina boys in the previous films, these people go beyond bitching and does something about it.

Datanglah beramai ramai.

And if you live up north and is going 'Oh my, I would love to catch these works of genius by chi too... but I live so far away, I think I'll cut my wrist and die for not being able to watch them...'. Before you pick up that knife, be glad and know that the programme is travelling up to Penang the following week in Actor's Studio Greenhall.

For those of you who live down south or in the east, well... go ahead and pick up that knife.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

If I Ever Have Kids

If I ever have kids I will name them...

'Too King Kee', 'Too Ron Chee', and 'Too Sek See'.

That way they can introduce themselves as "Hi, I'm Too (King Kee)" , and people can make remarks like "oh... you're just too (kinky)", and get away with it.

Oh, I'm just too raunchy.

Friday, September 22, 2006

The Public Transport Conspiracy

I'm getting sick of Starbucks... right now...within a span of 2 hours, I've been in 2 Starbucks outlets already. Within the last 12 hours... 3.

I think I have about enough of Starbucks already. Right now, I am actually writing this from a Starbucks... Why?

Because there is a major public transportation conspiracy here in Bandar Utama.

I had a coupla of hours to kill after a job I did here in PJ... so I thought I'll just head on to One Utama to get some work done before I head off to my 7:30 PM presentation... of course when I say to get some work done, it means at Starbucks.

6:30... it looks like a good time to get going... an hour seems plenty, considering that I'll have to wait for a cab and shit. The taxi stand at One Utama is void of any taxis... strange. I thought maybe if i were to walk out to the main road my chancesof getting a cab would be better.

Little do I realize the terror that lays ahead of me.

Usually when I try to grab a cab, I'd walk along the road (it's a habit I developed... don't ask me why) as I wait...

I walked...

and walked...

I kept walking...

30 minutes later I find myself at Centerpoint Bandar Utama. Still no signs of a cab... I thought maybe I should just stop walking and wait here, lest I end up in Inner Mongolia.

I waited...

and waited...

I kept waiting...

I sent my director (whom I was supposed to present to) an SMS:

"Sorry... I think cabbies are allergic to Bandar Utama"

I kept waiting, the cabs that were passing by refused to stop for some strange reason. The tick tock reads 7:30 PM now. Back in my driving days, this is somewhere I frequent quite alot, but today... for the first time in my public commting days I felt a sense of vulnerability. Suddenly, it feels like as if any attempt to get anywhere by public transport from here is impossible. No buses passing by, no cabs passing by... nothing. Despite the familarity, I felt like I was in the middle of nowhere with no way to get out of it.

It's like when I was in Loas travelling on the 'highway' to Xam Neau. I remember how the truck I was hitching on dropped us in this lil' village by the 'highway' (excuse me for quote unquoting the word 'highway', In Laos, a highway is equivelant to the jungle dirt roads we find in Borneo). I asked the villagers, how often does any vehicle passes by this road... 'Oh maybe 1 hour 2 hour... maybe 1 or 2 times one day'. Even in such circumstances I felt it was easier for me to get a ride (which I eventually did) than right now here in Bandar Utama.

In my feeble mind I'm beginning to draw a theory... a conspiracy theory. I have reasons to believe that cabbies are paid to not come to Bandar Utama... and If they do come, they are probably instructed to never pick anyone up. And who is behind this racket. Well, car sales and dealerships of course. By ensuring that public transport remains crappy here in Bandar Utama, the somewhat affluent community of this sub-urb would rush out in throngs to buy cars. "To hell with public transport", they'll says.

This frustration is causing me to once again failing to differentiate between my spoken words and the words that are going through my head. From my mouth, I began to murmur 'fuck! fuck! fuck! what the fuck! argghhh! fuck!'... little do I realize that I am articulating these words... The man who was waiting in the same taxi stand looked at me funny and kept a distance.

I called my director...

"I think If I can't get a cab in the last hour it would be highly unlikely that I can get one in the next hour. Maybe we should reschedule."

And reschedule we did... I then did the most intelligent thing and asked my sister come have dinner with me here in Bandar Utama... That way, after dinner she can send me to a more godly place where I can grab a cab or a train or a bus, or whatever home... Or probably just a cab.

And here I am waiting for my sister at Starbucks... she is yet to arrive.

I am now listening to Bjork's Medulla.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

sad is...

watching a monologue in mono about mononess.
(read... watching a monologue about staying single; by myself)

It's a Wednesday night. The clock reads 8 pm and I have nothing to do for the night. I read Lainie's blog. She wrote about this play she watched called 'Gadis Jalan Burmah'... bla bla bla ha ha ha. At the end of her blog entry, she says that it runs until this saturday everynite, 8:30 pm at DBP theatre.

I look at my clock...

8:10 pm.

DBP is 10 mins away, my night is expected to be bursting at its seam with boredom... and it'll only cost 17 ringgit if I misuse my 'student card'.

Kartini Shuib celebrates her 42nd birthday and is in the midst of baking her own birthday cake. Her mom passes her a man's business card. While contemplating calling this man for a date she revisit memories of ex boyfriends, dodges her mom's accusations of being lesbian, and chain smokes. As much a joke her cake's recipe is, all the above elements make one fucking hillarious monologue.

It is funny alright... but somehow, somewhere between the start and the end it got kinda scary actually. It feels like I was looking into some sort of a primordial looking glass into the future of how life in mono may turn out for me... sure I'm not 42, but like the monologue says 'the clock is ticking'.

tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock.

Oh no! the tick tock monster strikes again.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Afternoon Delight

I want a chocolate coated vanilla ice cream
served on a crispy waffle cone
Oh so delightful, my heart desires
I'll be nice and change my tone.

Words Of Wisdom & Inspiration

It's Jac SM Kee's birthday... and to commemorate her birthday, she gave us stuff instead...

thing no. 1
"Jac SM Kee : a collection of poetry"...
a book where my gambarajah was used for the inside cover, i am so honored. Inside it, she wrote to me words of wisdom and inspiration...
- Always drink lots of water (wisdom)
- The sky, though wide, is smaller than the universe (inspiration)

thing no. 2
"a phallus shaped whistle from Mexico"
So... am I supposed to blow this thing? Piitttttttttt!

Good night and good day.

now listening to Architecture In Helsinki.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

10 Things You Oughta Know About Me

I bumped into this thingamajigga on Lainie's blog. I would say, they are all very true and accurate...

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Chi too!

  1. It's bad luck to whistle near Chi too.
  2. Chi too can't sweat!
  3. Never store Chi too at room temperature!
  4. Chi too was first grown in America by the grandmother Maria Ann Smith, from whom his name comes.
  5. The Vikings believed that the Northern lights were caused by Chi too as he rode out to collect warriors slain in battle.
  6. If you drop Chi too from more than three metres above ground level, he will always land feet-first.
  7. Contrary to popular belief, Chi too is not successful at sobering up a drunk person, and in many cases he may actually increase the adverse effects of alcohol!
  8. Forty percent of the world's almonds and twenty percent of the world's peanuts are used in the manufacture of Chi too.
  9. The pigment Indian Yellow was manufactured from the urine of cows fed only on Chi too.
  10. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find Chi too.
I am interested in - do tell me about

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Hello Again

The jarring difference began setting in the moment I stepped into the Tanjong Pagar railway station in Singapore. Barely passed the immigration checkpoint and still in Singapore soil, I have this feeling that I am back home in Malaysia already.

Dirty toilets, faded signs, walls which layer of paint is left to rot… well, I’m back in Malaysia all right. As the train pushed away, I can see that the tracks and the area around it were utterly horrendous. Separated by a flimsy wire mesh fence, rubbish are thrown
everywhere while the bushes grow creeping on every available surface that is Malaysia; while just beyond that fence lies Singapore with its eerie immaculate appearance.

It is scary to know that despite its shoddy appearance, a sense of relief overwhelmed me as the train crawled past the Singapore-Malaysia border. I looked closely as the train passes the causeway. The moment we pass that line, a sense of fear sweeps over me as the causeway appears like it won’t hold up the weight of the train. It’s horrible, it’s kinda fucked up but I have to admit that I have grown accustomed to the ways that are Malaysia.

And as if to really remind me that I am now back in Malaysia, the train buffet coach attendant just approached me to inform me that my overpriced fried rice could not be served. Why? The chef just found out that they’ve ran out of gas. Ahhh… Malaysia Boleh. Instead I settled for a microwave heated burger that required much less cooking. It tastes like crap but I’m hungry as hell.

It is now one forty in the afternoon…. According to schedule I should arrive in Kuala Lumpur in 2 hours time. That is if the train stays on schedule. When I got my ticket, everyone was puzzled as to why I bother taking the train; it’s slow and always delayed. Well, there’s something between me and trains that is quite sentimental. Let’s just say that it is sometimes like meeting an old friend. Such meetings are seldom rushed.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Singapore Wa Wa

“I’ve not eaten all day yesterday, can you give me some money so I can buy some food.”

A burly Indian man, with tired bloodshot eyes approached me. He looks like he really needs some food. Trusting that he’ll use the money I’m about to give him to buy a meal (I made him promise me that it’ll be used for that), I looked into my wallet and decided that 2 Singapore Dollars is too little for a meal here; I gave him 4 instead. That way he can buy himself a proper meal.

Thus was how my day began in Singapore.

As usual, Singapore once again freaked me out with its perfect, sterile environment. Sidewalks are spanking clean, people walk at 120 miles/hour, public amenities ran like clockwork, even the trees on the sidewalk are perfectly spaced, and they are all cut to the same height precise almost to the milimeter. On top of that, the IMF/World Bank is having a conference here in Singapore; my substation friends pointed out to me…

“Last week, these sunflowers you see here were not here. Suddenly they popped out overnight... everything about Singapore is about being No.1, about doing everything really well, and so on and so forth…”

I was reminded of Akash’s film that was screened the night before. In one of the scenes the protagonist remarked on how the Selayang market was spruced up with potted plants and shit like that simply because Queen Elizabeth’s motorcade was passing by. Ha! We have the same shit back home.

Well, I replied by comparing Singapore and Malaysia… at least Singapore goes on with the rhetoric and carries out the rhetoric efficiently. Here in Malaysia… it’s loads of rhetoric and everyone goes ahead and do a half assed job. At least in Singapore, the authorities have got good taste in landscaping and design, thus making the city much more livable.

“Things may look beautiful here on the outside… but are we all really happy inside” he responded.

Well, I reckon that is not for me to judge. It’s not like I have to deal with your draconian government everyday, I have my own draconian government to deal with.

That night, as I was walking back to my hotel, I bumped into the Indian man again. He thanked me incessantly for giving me the money. I asked him what do you plan to do tomorrow. He said that he usually makes money by doing odd jobs in markets and such but there are days when he can’t get any work at all and starves.

People find the title ‘worker’ in my namecard amusing. I look at this man… Aren’t we all really just merely workers at the end of the day. I wished him all the best for tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Wind In My Face

I just spent 2 days in a rented seaside bungalow in Cherating. It was absolutely decadent. Every room was a house by itself (the toilets are bigger than my room back home) perched on top of a hill overlooking the South China Sea.

From our little enclosed environment, we did nothing but hang out in the pool, sing karaoke, play ginrami, and watch from our vantage point high above the lesser minions playing in their so called beach; unlike us who are privileged enough to have our own swimming pool. Oh how I wish those peasants could see us in our pools, that way they can envy and prostate at our feet when they see how great we are.

Oh yeah… once in a while, we would go down to the beach too; but of course don’t expect us to mix around with them fellow peasants, we have our own private beach.

That’s about it. What can I say about a holiday like that. Nothing.

And I flew a kite* if you want to know.

*in a moment of lapsed concentration, I let the kite go and it is now stuck in some tree in Cherating.

Friday, September 08, 2006

I Made A Porno

While I was minding my own business, I received an SMS from Amir Muhammad... the curator for the upcoming S Express series for the Asian Film Symposium which is scheduled to screen 'While You Were Eating' this Tuesday in Singapore. (I think I just broke the world record for world's longest sentence... Malaysia Boleh, next I will try to recreate that sentence is space).

Amir: You are just too rauncy!

I was like, what the hell... given the fact that I can't tell the difference when someone is trying to be sarcastic anymore, I really could not make sense of what he was trying to tell me.
So I replied...

chi too: Me? Raunchy? You give me too much credit. Are you speaking in signs and symbols again. Sorry, I've not evolved into such an advanced being as you.

Amir: I take it that you've not checked your email yet.

No... of course I've not, I don't check my email when I am not at home. So I got home and received the following e-mail from Kristin, the Asian Film Symposium coordinator:

"Dear Chi Too,

It is with great regret that we have to pull out “While You Were Eating” from the programme because the film is not granted a PG rating. Unfortunately, we are only licensed for PG rated films at The Substation. However, we would still love to screen it privately for our guests coming to Singapore, and to have you with us all the same. Please let us know your thoughts.

"bla bla bla bla..."

Wow...I made a porno flick... stunned for a moment...don't know what to think... then I sent my actors the following SMS..

chi too: congratulations, you are now an official porn star.

go figure.

ps: While You Were Eating will be uploaded to check out the page in a few days time. cheerios.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Monday, Bloody Monday

I lost some money
She lost her tribunal case
While he lost his life.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Haiku At Noon

Boring afternoon
Eating cotton candy balls
I will race you there.