Me, Myself, And I: Fun Facts About chi too no.1

When chi too walks on tiled surfaces, he consciously steps on the crevices of the tiles throughout the strech. Or he would step in between the crevices throughout the strech. On one strech, chi too never steps both on crevices, and in between.

'Hello Goodbye' At 'Tayangi Kuala Lumpur'

"Hello Goodbye", a film made not so recently by chi too screens this Friday at 'Tayangi Kuala Lumpur', in conjunction with Central Market's Annexe's 'Processing The City' exhibition. For those of you who have not watched this film in the big screen before, now is your chance...



TAYANGI KUALA LUMPUR

A screening in conjunction with "Processing The City" exhibition by Valentine Willie Fine Art and The Annexe, Central Market

Curated by Amir Muhammad and Pang Khee Teik

Date: Fri 29 Jun – Sun 1 July, 2007

Time: 8pm

Venue: Gallery I, 2nd Floor, The Annexe, Central Market, KL.
Admission: RM5 by Donation
Enquiries: 03 2274 6542

Friday 29 June, 8pm

Hello Goodbye by Chi Too
An LRT ride inspired by a Kings of Convenience song: "Parallel lines, move so fast, toward the same point, infinity is as near as it is far." (5min)

28 Hours Later by Ng Ken Kin
Low-budget Malaysian DV meets big-budget British DV in this cheeky intertextual ride. A party-goer wakes up after a night of disco fun, only to find himself alone in the city. (14min)

18? by Danny Lim
Who's spraying the number 18 around the city? What are they trying to say? Are Malaysians running out of spaces to express themselves? (18min)

Feature
Ciplak by Kharil M Bahar (83min)
A Malaysian student in UK makes extra cash by smuggling pirated Hollywood films back to England. Unfortunately, the day he's supposed to deliver his supply happens to be the day of the biggest raid in the city.


Saturday 30 June, 8pm

Welcome to Kuala Lumpur by Eleanor Low
The city speaks. But is anyone listening? (3min)

Al-Baqarah by Saiful Razman
Enigmatic urban odyssey where people literally never say what they seem to. Named after a part of the Quran. (7min)

Majidee by Azharr Rudin
Two strangers at Puduraya struck up a conversation while walking to Klang Bus Station. What do you know – they are from the same hometown! (15 min)

Feature
The Big Durian by Amir Muhammad
In 1987, a soldier ran amok with an M16 in Chow Kit. It triggered rumours of racial riots. Suddenly, over 100 political dissenters were arrested under the Internal Security Act. The film speaks to real and fictional Malaysians to uncover the facts and myths surrounding this event. (75min)


Sunday 1 July, 8pm

Detour by Jassim Alsaady
How safe is KL for backpackers? No, not from snatch-thiefs, but from weirdos. (27min)

A Day in the Life of by Syed Omar
A perfectionist civil servant in a "jabatan khas" escapes his reality only in his dreams. (10min)

Feature
Bukak Api by Osman Ali
A classic! A safe sex educational video turns into a drama about the trials and tribulations of the sex workers in Chow Kit. (80min)

Did I Break Your Concentration?

Distracted, the fire eater swallows a mouthful of fire. The fire rages in his insides as he tries to drink countless glasses of water to no avail.

Alas, after almost an hour, the fire eater can hold no more and he implodes from the outside in.

Reduced to a speck no bigger than a minute speck in this vast universe; which is really no bigger than speck in the universe beyond the one that it is.

Pulp FikSyen

Sometimes I wish I can have 2 bad ass assassins like Jules Winnfield and Vincent Vega (of Pulp Fiction) working for me so I can send them to my corporate clients who think they can fuck around with me. That way all these corporate idiots can be a bit more careful and at least attempt to gain at least a minimal level of intelligence.

If I do, I imagine the following scenario will take place, just like how it did in Quentin Tarantino's Pulp Fiction. Just replace 'Marsellus Wallace' with 'chi too', and 'Guy Whose About To Be Blown To Pulp' with 'Idiotic Corporate Executives Who Think They Can Write, Direct, And Produce Videos'. :


" Jules Winnfield : What does Marcellus Wallace look like?

Guy Whose About To Be Blown To Pulp: What?

JW: What country you from?

GWATBTP: What?

JW: What ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in What?

GWATBTP: What?

JW: ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO-YOU-SPEAK-IT?

GWATBTP: Yes!

JW: Then you know what I'm saying!

GWATBTP: Yes!

JW: Describe what Marcellus Wallace looks like!

GWATBTP: What, I-?

JW: [pointing his gun] Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker. Say what one more goddamn time.

GWATBTP: He's b-b-black...

JW: Go on.

GWATBTP: He's bald...

JW: Does he look like a bitch?

GWATBTP: What?

sfx: Gunshot (BANG!)
Jules shoots GWATBBTP in the shoulder

JW: DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?

GWATBTP: No!

JW: Then why you try to fuck him like a bitch, Brett?

GWATBTP: I didn't.

JW: Yes you did. Yes you did, Brett. You tried to fuck him. And Marcellus Wallace don't like to be fucked by anybody, except Mrs. Wallace.

(pauses)

JW : You ever read the Bible, Brett?

GWATBTP : Yes

JW : There's a passage I got memorized, seems appropriate for this situation: Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and
good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

sfx: multiple gunshots (BANG! BANG! BANG!)

Jules Winnfield & Vincent Vega empties their guns on Guy Who Is Now Already Blown To Pulp. "


Unfortunately in reality that is completely impossible because I am a really nice guy and I don't think I can kill anyone, so instead I will write to them a poem instead...

"Buah cempedak di luar pagar
Ambil galah tolong jolokkan
Saya budak baru belajar
Kalau salah... mampus la engkau.

Middle Baram Region, Sarawak

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.

A cupid plunged an arrow into your heart.
You fell to the floor dead, I cried.

I Will Follow You

- This is dedicated to all my clients...

(sing to the tune of 'I Will Follow You')

"I will follow you
Follow you like a fucking Ah Long
Breathing down your neck til I get my cheque
Splash blood red paint on your office
Be careful your nether orificeeeeeee......

I will follow you."

- This is for all my suppliers and contractors...

"Imagine that it's just like prostitution. Only without the pleasures and the risks of contracting STDs."

To She, Whose Faith In The Absurd Saved The Day.

An onion stabbed through its heart.
A dried chilli capped on its stake.
Stabbed to the heart of this earth.
Four corners of our realm, we etiher make or break.

So thus, it holds together the sky.
Bursting at its seams, 3 drops at best.
Oh so very hard it tried,
Onions and chilis put up to the test.

Thus the sky broke.
Into a million pieces it shatters.
Like a needle in the sky it poked.
Pounding the earth, disorienting all matter.

Me, you, and everything we know of.

A Sufi Parable

There once existed a mythical lion in the heart of the Saharan dessert. A few inteprid explorers set out to seek this lion.

They walked through the desert...

Lo and behold they caught sight of the lion. Fearing that it could be nothing more than a mirage, they hid behind a rock (in case if it really was a real lion) and looked from afar.

Suddenly the lion looked up to them. The lion said to the explorers 'Come here...' (mind you, not only can this lion talk, it speaks in English... with perfect diction. It said 'come here', and it wasn't like 'Rrrrrrrr....comeeee grooarrr...here'. Absolutely perfect with a slight British accent.)

And so they approached the lion.

Once they were close enough, the lion ate them up.


ps: I took the liberty of modifying the parable... This may or may not have been based on an actual Sufi parable.

Terbang Tinggi

Aku melihat asap berkepul-kepul naik ke angkasaraya perlahan lahan. Lambat laun ia akan bersatu bersama awan-awan di awang-awangan.

Tidakkah ia tragis? Di hari esok, nafas kita akan sesak. Bersatu bersama di awang-awangan.

Goodbye...

I hope you find your way back to Penang...
Busses run every hour,
Trains leave at Eight FortyFive in the PM.

Mekong Mango Shake

This recipe was taught to me by Louis of Louis Restaurant in Luang Phabang, Laos. I call it the Mekong Mango Shake because it is usually enjoyed whilst dreaming away by the Mekong River.

Here's what you need...

- 2 mangoes (cut up into chucks)
- a coupla ice cubes
- fresh milk (a tad)

Directions...

1) Whack the ice cubes in the blender till it feels right. (You may want to pulse the blender so you don't fuck the blender up)
2) Add mangoes into blender
3) Whack it a bit
4) Add some milk... and whack everything till the cows come home.
5) Pour into a liquid consumption apparatus
6) Enjoy

ps: by whack, I mean turn the blender on and let the blade do the whacking, otherwise I would have suggested a mortar and pestle.

Beautiful Ordinary Closes

Beautiful Ordinary, the photography competition I organized a couple of months ago is finally closed. The responses were overwhelming (had about ninety photos in my inbox).

Click on the image above, have a look at the shortlisted entries, and leave a comment on which is your favourite photo and why?

In A Jiffy!

Hang on, I'll be over there in 2 blinks of a twinkle.
Please excuse me as I crawl into my ass which really doubles up as a teleportation device.

Nasty Bunny no.1

It was a lazy friday afternoon,
You and me sipping coffee,
Stirring incessantly with our plastic teaspoons,
The prospects were anything but iffy.

In a coffeeshop marooned,
Between nonsense and the profound we alternate,
In our little bubble cocooned,
All existence, insignificant, we completely alienate.

Silence is golden
And it all comes crashing down.
Our conversation saffron
You and me, we kiss the ground.

Another One Line Blog Entry

A one line blog entry.

Maybe I Saw You There?

The Edinburgh junction was once the Edinburgh roundabout.