chi too's Guide To Daily Living (part 1 of many)

Dear friends and friends of friends,
Due to all the events that are happening to and around me, I have realized that life is not all banoffee pie and lattes. Like we all know, it can be quite a pain in the ass (and I don't mean the pleasurable kind), or even a kick in the nuts (for those who find the former pleasurable). Hence, I find it my duty to present you with this new series 'chi too's Guide To Daily Living' just to make our daily lives a bit more bearable. Through this series, I will present you with solutions to life's many challenging challenges. I also do requests, so if any of you get any trouble from the universe, do leave your agonies in the comment section of the latest Guide To Daily Living blog post.
sincerely,
chi too.

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Have you ever had an old acquaintance (say someone from highschool) who would call you for no good reason simply because you were too polite to not give him/her your phone number when you were asked to 'exchange numbers' when you or him/her reconnect with him/her or you on facebook? And this person would chat for hours on the phone with you talking about the most banal things like work, family, old high school friends, politics,string theory, etcetera.

And worse, you're the polite kind that can't tell this person that you really don't have time for all these bullshit...

Have I got the solution for you. In this case, I suggest the use of single word answers like 'yeah', 'no', 'hmmmm', 'tskkk', or 'totally'. These are great to bring any conversations to a complete catastrophic stop. For example.

X : So It's quite hot today isn't it.
You: Yeah
X: Which can only mean that it's gonna rain later in the afternoon
You: Probably...

keep going on this trajectory until the other party becomes suspicious of your behaviour and asks the following question

X: Hey, are you alright, you seem really quiet today?

At this point, reply with a quick 'tsk' and put down the phone.

If he/she calls back immediately after that just reject his calls for the rest of the day. After about 3 attempts of calling you back, he/she will realize that you must be going through some serious shit issues and will not call you for a couple of days.

....
....
....

A couple of days would have passed by now and he/she would probably call you back and ask you the following

X : Hey, how are you today? What happened to you the other day? Are you feeling better now?

At this point, there are 2 things that you can do

a) You: I'd rather not talk about it.

or

b) reply with a quick 'tsk' and hang up the phone.

At this point, the caller would realize that he/she has crossed some intergalactic line and would find someway to either disassociate or try to get to know you and your 'problems' better. The former is most desired and is usually the case, but if the caller is a nutcase who prefers the latter then the only solution is this...

ACT LIKE YOU HAVE SOME SERIOUS SHIT BIPOLAR ISSUES

Constantly switch between being super friendly and the 'singe word answer, tsk, hang up' approach in the most arbitrary manner every couple of days or so. If this doesn't solve your problems, Nothing will.

I hope that I've made your life a bit more pleasurable today. May your woes and burdens be lighter.