my train of thoughts derailed.

31 people died and 172 were injured, of which 12 are in critical condition.

Emotional Breakdance

I was told that I really shouldn't have anymore emotional breakdowns... nor breakups...
Instead, I should be having emotional breakdances.
It sounds like an awesome idea.

Then I thought about it really hard only to realize that it's a terrible thing.
Break dancing is bad enough... one that is emotional...

god...

Bangkok sounds like a great idea.
But since I'm not sure if I'm over the trauma of all that is Suvarnabhumi airport, I think I'll take a train to Hualamphong and meet you there.

2 more days to the end of this dreadful year
I think I should drown myself in endless beers

one day, i'll be so handsome you'd find me absolutely irresistable

kaze wo atsumete

Conversations with you (25 of many)

Me: Merry Chirstmas!
You: Merry Christmas to you too! Where is my Christmas hug?
Me: Oh... I left that at home.

A Prelude To Slitting My Wrist

if you hide all the knives, I won't be able to split my pills which I'll need to stay alive.

either way, I'll still win

Like A Whale...

I have an excellent sense of direction... just like a whale.

With their senses in sync with the earth's magnetic field, whale's are known to migrate tens of thousands of miles in search of warmer waters, food, and mating partners.

But when their sense of direction ever fail them...

When they do get lost...

Whales commit suicide.

Almost A Conversation With You

I just wanted to say 'hi'

But somehow, I overdid it

I said 'hi hi'

I want you to know that there is nothing left to know anymore.

Except maybe the way I feel about how there is noting left to know anymore.

I can do this shit!

I just don't know how.

Sometimes...

... I get the 90s completely mixed up.

'Hammertime! Stop, collaborate, and listen'

I Love xkcd.com

I really like xkcd.com. However, catching on to it relatively late means that I've not seen alot of the much earlier stuff. One would say that the best thing to do would be to start from the first one and then keep hitting 'next', and keep tabs of the one I've read the day before and pick up from there.

But for the fear of eventually running out, I hit the 'random' button instead.

Yes it's true that I will see a lot of repeats amongst the ones that I've never seen before.

I remedy this by not reading the mouse overs on the ones I'm seeing for the first time. I save that for when I see it the second time around.

Conversations with you (24 of many)

You: I am not a tease
Me: I am not at ease
You: Really?

Conversations With You (23 of many)

you : getting single word answers is such a turn off.
me : yea...
you : towdally.

You came online.
You went offline.
You came online.
You went offline.
You came online.
You went offline.
You came online.
You went offline.
You came online.
You went away.

Sometimes I feel like I want to bury my head in your bosoms and scream profanities.

XKCD saved my life

sudah sekian lama catatan di sini diabaikan.
diselubungi rintihan yang tidak berkata walaupun diri ditenggelami kesayuan yang seakan-akan meinginginkan satu suara yang mampu melaung sehingga ke pinggir angkasa.
aku mahu berenang dengan mu di laut air pahit.

To Whom It May Concern,

Fuck You

Regards,
chi too

ps: I wish you success and happiness

People say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach...

I'd like to show you the way to my stomach.

Conversations with you (22 of many)

Me: Let's get some cake
You: It's your birthday, we must get really good cake
Me: When cake is with you, the cake becomes irrelevant

Aduh

Aku dihantui satu pilihan yang amat senang dan amat sukar untuk dihadapi.
Mungkinkah aku tidak jujur dengan diri sendiri (dan/atau kamu) akan niat sebenar saya.
Kemungkinan besar aku langsung tidak pasti akan niat sebenar saya.

I Am No More On Farmville

It is better to delete my farmville than for me to slit my wrist.

I guess deleting farmville is like a metaphor for suicide.

And the latter is something that I have no capacity for.

I was told to not think too much.
It really got me thinking... maybe I shouldn't think too much.

Princess Versus Rockstar

(click image for a better view)

(Too emo for a blogpost)

Can I Deal With This Again?

Sometimes I think I never learn from mistakes. Do I really want to go through this all over again?

An Epic Battle

In the epic battle between the chicken and the dragon, the chicken emerged victorious.

FUCK YEAH!

Planting Pumpkins

Today I planted pumpkins...
Hopefully in a few days time, we'll be having pumpkin soup by the coast of Sepang.

Conversations With You (21 of many)

You: Are you leaving me?
Me: If our relationship is a chronological continuum between us meeting and me/you leaving you/me; and if our relationship is defined by our current relative position between these two extremes. Then yes, I am leaving you.

Bila Di Kuching

Sudah sebelas tahun kita dipisahkan.
Sudah sebelas tahun mu terpadam dari ingatanku.
Namun hari ini bila saya berjalan di tebing Sungai Sarawak.
Tanda tanya di awangan...

'Bagaimana kalau kita bertemu di sini?'

Conversations with you (20 of many)

Me: Go straight and then turn
You: Where should I turn?
Me: Left... right... they are just positions.

Conversations with you (19 of many)

Me: Do you need anything from the supermarket?
You: I want cheese
Me: Isn't one more than enough?

Conversations with you (18 of many)

Me: You're so smart.
You: Thanks.
Me: If you weren't fasting, I'd totally make out with you now.

Longing #2

Adventures of Really English Man (REM) Trying Really Hard To Be Black (3 of many)

REM: You maternal copulator!

There Are Too Many Of You

To whom it may concern,

I hope this finds you well. To delete all niceties and pretension; in an effort to convey my feelings in a most honest fashion; I would like to speak the absolute truth to you.

That I find hard to deny.

I have not been completely confident in the truths you present to me, in fact, I am absolutely convinced that all that you have said to me contains everything but the truth.

That I find hard to accept.

And as difficult as this may seem, I feel that I now must (as a result of what I find hard to accept) start to erase you from my sphere of existence, or rather to stop perceiving your existence.

That I find hard to exercise.

However, for as long as what you say (have said, or continue to say) fails to realistically correspond to what I perceive with my tangible senses, it will continue to tear at all that is intangible (which is all I have left) in me.

That I find hard to endure.

And what I find hard to endure, I find hard to exercise and accept. And all that I find hard to deny. Therefore, please excuse my hiatus from your sphere of existence which you yourself may find hard to accept.

Unfortunately, the truth is, in the absence of truth, you deny my presence. I wish you well.

Regards,
chi too

Dear Julia

I hope this finds you well. Generally I am fine but sometimes there are things that bring me down, but thankfully at this very moment they don't. I guess it is because I'm beginning to see the bright side of things now. Somehow, when I turn my head away from the darkness, things don't seem as bad anymore, it's almost like life is worth living after all. I don't want to slit my wrist anymore, neither do I want to slit yours, I hope the same is for you. I'm beginning to realize that slitting our wrists is not much of a solution. In a world filled with beauty, that seems oddly morbid. I wish you'd do the same too... I hope you see the beauty that I am seeing now... All I had to do was to start looking in the mirror.

XOXO
chi too

Conversations with you (17 of many)

Me: I need some new furniture
You: Let's buy them together
Me: But we are temporary fixtures

Adventures of Really English Man (REM) Trying Really Hard To Be Black (2 of many)

REM: Oh hello dawgggg!

Adventures of Really English Man (REM) Trying Really Hard To Be Black (1 of many)

REM : indeed nigga!

I am an AM vamp

Apologies to Stephen Hawkings

Like Kafka, after my demise, I want my name to also be a verb...

'Mr Hawkings... I think there is a need to chitoo your theory of everything'

But first, I would like my name to first be an adjective

'Mr Hawkings... Your book 'The History of Time' lacks a certain chitoo'

Conversations With You (16 of many)

Me : You are the best
You : I know
Me : The best part is that I know that you know.

Now All I Need To Do Is See A Therapist.

Its all too exciting...
Oh so exciting.

It's been a while since I felt such immense joy and happiness.

My Desire Is To Use The Word 'Flux' In Daily Conversation

There's no point in looking back at what was lost. Being in a constant state of flux, we cannot afford nostalgia.

My Desire Is To Use The Word 'Postulate' In Daily Conversation

Don't worry, I'm still around. Let's drown your sorrows in cake and ice cream. Well, unless if I hook up with someone, then I might not be around for you and I apologize for that in advance...

But if recent events is to be considered a form of indication, one can easily postulate that I would be around for a really long time.

Conversations with you (15 of many)

Me: Is that some sort of a metaphor?
You: How is that a metaphor?
Me: How is that not a metaphor?

To drink milk straight from the carton out of the fridge is probably the 2nd best feeling in the universe.

Yang Itu...
Tapi jangan lupa untuk membawa pisang.
Barangkali dewa-dewi marah tanganmu kosong.

Apologies to XKCD

I love pi... in a world of variables, a constant is so reassuring.

Would you like some 3.1428?

The line that separates the real world and my facebook world is blurring...

This morning I woke up and walked out to my garden with a hoe... only to realize that I only have a farm in facebook.

I want to engage in the 2nd principle of thermodynamics with you.

Conversations with someone else (5 of many)

Me: I would really like to live by the water
You : Me too. I'm an Aquarius, I'm meant to live by the water
Me : I'm a Scorpio. Maybe I'm meant to live under a rock

Longing is a motherfucker

I can say with much certainty that almost all of my entire life was about trying my very best to do the right thing.
Don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up

Don't ever fuck up, someone might get hurt.

Little did I realize that doing the right thing would always mean that things will never turn out right for me.

Little did I realize that doing the right thing would result in me constantly getting hurt.

As of now...

I don't know what's the right thing to do.


ps: I'm sorry, I don't mean to hurt you... but for once I'd like to not hurt myself.

I need to let go...

Here's a really awesome postcard I'm about to send to someone...



It's so awesome I'm finding it hard to let go
The note is written, the card is signed, a stamp is affixed...

I must go to the post office

ps: It's Yoshitomo Nara's Night Cat

Someday

Someday, I'd like to date a theoretical physicist,
Every night she'll whisper gently into my ear..
'The universe is expanding'

In return I'll whisper back...
'And we're in it'

Conversations with you (14 of many)

Me: Do you really want to know?
You: I can handle the truth
Me: I can't handle the truth

Suvarnabhumi

Today is my 6th time in Suvarnabhumi airport in the last 30 days...
I pretty much know this airport by heart now... I feel like I live here. I know where to get a meal, where to steal wifi signals, where to...

The post office is right at the end...at row W

If I'm hungry I can go down to level 3 for food... in one of the restaurants, the wifi password is '55555'
If I'm hungry, and poor... I can go down to the level 1`foodcourt
If I'm hungry, poor, and too lazy to go all the way to level 1... there is always the family mart in row W where I can get a cup jok for 17 bath.

But there was a time when I missed someone... and I stayed in row D to write her a letter. Then I walked to row W to post it... by then it was 4 AM in the morning, so I was really hungry and I went to the family mart after that.

As I eat my cup jok, I begin to realize that there is nowhere to go when one's heart is broken.


Today, I will have to come home... hopefully, It'd be months when I come back to Suvarnabhumi. Hopefully by then, this will just mean nothing more than an airport to me.

Everyday, the Bangkok Airways flight from BKK arrives at one twenty in the afternoon.

I anticipate with much anxiety and excitement the contents that this small turbofan aircraft spill into Luang Phabang.

Alas, maybe you are on the Lao Airlines flight that arrives in the night.

Tak Usah Nak Kata Apa-Apa

have i told you i've seen a giraffe take a dump once?

As I wallow in my own sadness, may I be allowed to bask in your happiness...

Things To Do On A Day Like Today

Slitting my wrist with a wooden spatula

Conversations with someone else (4 of many)

Me: I'm more of an ass person
You: figures...
Me: thanks for laughing at my tragedy

ps: this is post number 500
pps: thanks ya'll... i had a really good day

Alice... my heart is broken...

Conversations With You (13 of many)

me: where are you?

I must stop behaving as if my universe revolves around you. For I am nothing but one of Jupiter's lesser moons. I must secede its gravitational pull and hurl myself into oblivion.

Hati resah menantikan yang bakal berlaku

barangkaliku menghiris lenganku nanti

Obsesi Ereksi

Singa Pura-Pura


Ta-ta Jakarta

Conversations With You (12 of many)

Me: I love you
You: I love you too
Me: Please don't add to my emotional burden

I'm So Fucking Hopeless

I'm so fucking hopeless...

In my dreams, the mass rail transit goes everywhere I want it to go... I can board the train at Masjid Jamek, and disembark at Kelana Jaya, Kuala Terengganu, Butterworth, On Nut, Dhobi Ghaut, Terminal Blok M, Shibuya, Trafalgar Square, Smithsonian, Lexington, and every single place imaginable...

Sigh... I want my life to be more like my dreams...

'Next stop... Kelana Jaya. Keep your belongings and step carefully'

I'm so in love with the voice behind the Transjakarta Busway announcements.

'Alice... I'm scared'

'Would you hold my hand and accompany me as I descend into oblivion'

its 2:22 am...

I really should go to sleep now...

Whatever... I don't care anymore...

I put the 'sweet' in sweet sixteen...

I'm 28

I Want To Ride It All The Time

Berkawan Dengan Werner Herzog

Saya idamkan satu pelat, suatu pelat german atau perancis. Begitu, saya boleh menceritakan filem saya sebagaimana Werner Herzog menceritakan filemnya.

Saya gemarkan Werner Herzog, Werner Herzog adalah seorang yang pintar sekali.Beliau mampu menceritakan kisah-kisah orang yang tinggal dalam pinggir kegilaan dengan senang sekali

Kadang-kadang saya rasa seperti Werner Herzog sedang menceritakan kisah hidup saya.

In a world of perpetual change (which scares me)... it's so nice to know that you are a constant (which brings me relief).

Everybody Needs Some Sugar (2 of many)

Just When I Thought I Knew You
Chloe Tan
Crayon on recycled paper
8"x12"

perhaps the only way i can begin to deal with this is if i start doing drugs...

post script : right after posting this i went to fmylife.com and this was the latest post 'Today, my very conservative aunt was giving me money. She thought it would be funny to secretly stick it in my pocket like a drug deal. She ended up pulling out my pot. FML'. Like always, the universe constantly play sick games with my soul

Conversations with you (11 of many)

(After saying something really intelligent)

You : Wah, you're so smart
Me : Can't help it, peer pressure when I'm with you.
You : Don't be silly
Me : Can't help it, peer pressure when I'm with you.

Forgetfullness

Forgotten, trying to forget, forgetting.

I want to watch animals in the zoo with you

Maybe I Am Some Kind Of A Monster

Have I lost my abilities to display compassion?
Why do I yawn at the deaths of those trapped under Jaya Supermarket... or those 200 people that are probably dead in the Pacific?

*yawn*

Tick!Tock! (a reprise)

tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock

tock tick!

I want to be socially dysfunctional with you

It's not that I don't care about you anymore, I just want to sleep all day long.
I want to sleep all day long because I don't want to care about you anymore.

I'm not sure if i can give up KFC... but i'll jump anyway...

apologies to Kings Of Convenience

I'd rather dance with you than talk with you

Unfortunately I can't dance at all

Where Are You On A Night Like Tonight? a.k.a. You And Me Put The 'You' And 'Me' In 'You And Me'

Wish you were here

Things That Make Me Happy (1 of many)

Drinking cold fresh milk straight from the box on a day when the rain drizzles lightly outside my window.

-for sue

Best Zine Ever (in the category of 'not why does she laugh at my tragedy and i want to watch paint dry with you')

Beside amazing zines like 'why does she laugh at my tragedy' and 'I want to watch paint dry with you', there are many other really amazing zines by really amazing people who surprisingly do not go by the name 'chi too'

an example would be 'i don't talk to strangers' by dil malik... which i reread today while cleaning my room.

If you really are the reincarnation of a monk who have failed to attain enlightenment...
I'd travel my way to Luang Phabang, shave my head, don a saffron robe and hope to never ever achieve enlightenment.

I'll chant 'mo'

i like eating haw flakes
they cost 10 cents a tube
they've always cost 10 cents a tube
but now the tube is smaller

Hypothetical Situation 1

From now on, I will only answer to the call of 'handsome fucker'
for example...

you: hey chi too!
you: hey chi too!

(i ignore you)

you: hey handsome fucker!
me: yeah!

An excerpt

some of the most beautiful words I've heard for a long time... by Alice.

“Why are you so sad”?
“Because I am flawed and I don’t understand things quick enough to avoid the sadness”, said Alice.

Do you find me repulsive...
Does the sight of me make you want to vomit blood and then lick them all up again just so that the disgust of it would make you vomit again.

ps: where are you when i need you most? why do you have to run away to such a goddamned far away country? why did i not entertain the thought of running away with you? why do i only entertain the thought now, now that its too fucking late? why am i always too fucking late for everything?

Conversations with you (10 of many)

Me: I'm so tired
You: Do you want some Red Bull
Me: No... all I want is you

It worries me that the people who are so passionate about changing the world are idiots.

Conversations with someone else (3 of many)

Me : Fuck you la fucker
You : Shut up la bastard
Me : Sorry... when I say fucker I really mean handsome bastard

Everybody Needs Some Sugar

I like girls...

but girls don't like me...

thank you for making my weekend

ps: thank you marion for making me want to get off my ass

Or maybe I really mean us...

And when I say me, I really do mean you

When I say you, I really mean me

I don't know what to think of you anymore...

I Want To Be Your Asian Slave

Aziz, you make my life complete



from childhood i never knew
why i was born as an asian
all those years i watched norwegian sitcoms
i looked up to and loved all them caucasians (though at the time i only knew them as white people)

i want to be your asian slave
and you gonna leash me my white master ching chong
lets make fuck together
lets make fuck together

why did genetics deal me this card
i want all that intelligence and beauty that ive never had (or will ever nurture)
in white skin blue eyes golden hair
there, even that brunette will do
and definitely eurasians too! (because im desperate)

i want to be your asian slave
and you will leash me my white master
lets make fuck together
lets make fuck together

i know they have better skin
though ive never confirmed this
and i want to be as smart as the whites
so i fixed my engrish

i want to be your asian slave
and you will leash me my white master
lets make fuck together
lets make fuck together

i want to have white children
i want to have all those superior white genes to give
though my whole life i now know
i will always be an asian slave

i want to be your asian slave
and you will leash me my white master
lets make fuck together
lets make fuck together

you are my beautiful white master
and i am your ugly half deaf stuttering stupid asian slave
i never knew beautiful people could be so benevolent to love ugly people
its good to be easy

I Have A Friend

I have a friend... Let's just call her A*. A likes to hang out with B,C, and D. A comes along to dinner with B,C, and D all the time. B,C, and D likes to eat Arab food. After numerous trips to the Arabic restaurant, B,C, and D begin to realize that A would eat nothing but the Hummus and eggplant thingy, which is actually damn yummy. B says 'perhaps, A doesn't like Arab food'.
B,C, and D would like to find out if A likes Arab food or not, but somehow A has not been entirely honest on the issue. B,C, and D wonders, 'How can we find out what she feels about Arab food'

Sigh... some mysteries are left to the universe to answer. Jai Guru Deva Om.


*All names are changed to protect the identity of said persons.

Wow... 450th Post

What should my 450th post be about.
I suppose it should be about my 450th post.

I'm looking forward to my 500th post

One day...

One day I will open a cafe...
There, you will get slapped if you ask if you can have a frappucino or some ice-blended bullshit.

for example

Customer 1 : Can I have a latte
Me : Small, Medium, or Large?
Customer 1 : Medium
Me : Skinny, Full Cream, or Soy
Customer 1 : Full Cream
Customer 2 : Can I have an ice blended mochachinno extravaganza
Me : (SLAPS CUSTOMER 2) Fuck you, we don't do ice blendeds.
Customer 2 : Sorry... Can I have a Grande Cappuccino
Me : (SLAPS CUSTOMER 2) Fuck you, I don't understand what do you mean by 'Grande'. We only have small, medium, and large.
Customer 2 : Sorry... I'll have a medium cappucinno... with soy
Me : (SLAPS CUSTOMER 2) Fuck you, I don't do soy milk here. Soy are for losers.

Conversations with you (9 of many)

Me : The internet is broken
You : Huh?
Me : You are not online

The Way You Make Me Feel

sometimes, even words can't express the way I feel.

Wow... are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Conversations with you (8 of many)

Me: I like olives
You: You get 'I love' if you rearrange 'olive'
Me: What's the point if there is no you in it

Digital Pleasure

zeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezeroonezerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozerozero

Saya Sebatang Pen

Saya sebatang pen, nama saya Pilot. Saya sebatang pen hitam. Saya dilahirkan di sebuah kilang di Bayan Lepas, Pulau Pinang. Sebagai sebatang pen, saya cukup tampan sekali. Badan saya panjang dan kurus, cukup seksi. Demikian itu memang tidak hairanlah kenapa penutup pen di muncung saya tidak serik serik berada di sana.

Walaupun saya cukup tampan, saya tidak faham kenapa saya sebatang pen hitam. Kenyataannya ialah, saya lebih rela menjadi sebuah pen biru. Sekurang kurangnya pen biru itu berwarna, hitam itu... bukan warna. Hitam adalah keaiban segala gala warna. Ia tidak berwarna. Mungkinkah itu sebab kenapa sudah sekian lama saya tidak dibeli. Sekarang sudah genap 5 bulan saya menghingapi rak di kedai buku Popular ini... sudah lima bulan... tidak ada seorang pun yang membeli saya.

Sekali-sekala, ada seorang dua pelajar sekolah yang mengambil saya, mereka membuka penutup saya, lalu menulis ayat-ayat yang tidak bermakna. Kadang-kadang, jika saya tidak mengeluarkan dakwat, mereka mengoncang saya, ada yang mengoncang saya dengan perlahan, ada yang mengoncang saya dengan rakus sekali. Seandainya saya yang bersalah.

Apakandaya, kadang-kadang prestasi saya kurang memuaskan. Bolehkah saya dipersalahkan? Tanyalah mana mana pen yang lain, kalau dah duduk di rak kedai buku selama 5 bulan, siapalah yang bersemangat lagi untuk melakukan yang terbaik. Bukannaya tidak mahu berprestasi, tapi bak kata orang, kalau lama tak turun padang, mestilaj karat sikit.

Oleh itu, saya tidak pernah dibeli. Kadang-kadang, jika saya mampu mengeluarkan dakwat, budak-budak akan tulis ayat ayat seperti... seperti... aduh... tidak sanggup saya katakan disini, saya pun segan.... seperti... 'fuck', 'pukimak', 'i love you', 'nak hisap kote? telefon 012 6349876', dan lain-lain. Tidak, kenapa budak-budak zaman sekarang begitu biadap sekali. Aku tidak faham, apakah makna hidup saya, apakah tujuan kewujudan saya. Apa ni! Aku tak faham! Aku bingung....

'ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH' aku jerit dengan sekuat hati. Budak yang sedang memegang saya sambil menulis 'Farah pant...' terus menjatuhkan saya ke lantai, terkejut akan pen ini yang mampu menjerit dengan begitu kuat sekali.

Aku jatuh ke lantai dengan kuat sekali, Kesakitan yang terasa tajam sekali... Tiba-tiba... aku terjaga dari tidur. Rupa-rupanya itu semua hanya mimpi sahaja. Aku berasa lega yang saya sebenarnya bukan sebatang pen hitam.

Saya sebenarnya adalah sebatang pensel.

Conversations with you (7 of many)

you: peux je voir votre passeport
me: voici mon passeport
you: est ce vraiment vous dans l'image

I feel compelled to write another blog entry.

Conversations with you (6 of many)

Me: I don't believe in soulmates
You: I don't believe in soulmates too
Me: Maybe you are my soulmate?

What Would Jesus Do?

These past couple of weeks, I've been reprimanded a couple of times for taking Jesus's name in vain. All these 'what would chisus do?', 'chisus loves you', 'chisus saves', and whatnots have apparently raised the irk of the true followers of Jesus.

Guess what? I am a true follower of Jesus too, and I'm not irked.

In fact, if anything, I'm asking myself 'What would Jesus do?'

And this is what I believe Jesus would do..

Jesus Christ : Eh chi, that's damn funny... I think we should work together.

Yes... let's give Jesus some credit. I don't reckon He is half as uptight as any of you Christians out there. Heck, I don't think He is even any uptight at all. Seriously, this man turned water into 40 vats of wine on his first gig, he's a lot more fun that what you would like to think he's not. I'm beginning to believe that if there was any wine at the feeding of the 5000, he'll also feed the 5000 with wine... unfortunately there was no wine to begin with. Yes, of course he can simply just make wine out of nothing, but you're missing the point here, that miracle was about duplication, not creation.

There you go. Jesus is quite awesome. Me on the other hand, am merely chisus, and chisus is not Jesus, and has nothing to do with Jesus... I'm just a fanboy of Jesus.

The most chisus can do is turn a baguette into a croissant.

Happy Easter Day.

Things That I Should Be Worried About

I can sing Flight Of The Conchords songs by heart...

'and when you're on the street, depending on the street, I bet you are on the top 3, good looking girl on the street... depending on the street'

Wow... I Think I'm...

chisus lays down his red cross

I am amazed at how I can simply type without even looking at the keyboard at such high speeds... The human body is an amazing thing.

When I grow up

I want to paint...
I want to make lots of short films...
I want to write like a bitch...
I want to make numerous installation pieces...

But I can never be an artist.

I want to be Richard Tuttle,

on top of that, I also want to be H.G. Wells and Stephen Hawkings.

I have a strange feeling that very soon, I'd want to be Hunter S. Thompson.

Could today be the day?

Conversations with you (5 of many)

You : Are you OK?
Me : Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *&%&Q@#%$@&!!#$ WHAT THE FUCK Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh arghhhhh arghhhhhhh &^$^%$^%*^^%*^%$

I want to watch paint dry with you

My life has no meaning...
as meaningless as a useless analogy

Conversations with you (4 of many)

Me : What if I lied?
You : What if I lied too?
Me: OK, you win.

I think I should tell you the truth about how I feel
I think I should tell her the truth about how I felt

I want to start life anew...
I think I should see a therapist

Mencari Mimaland

Hatiku mengidamkan Mimaland
mengidamkan gelungsur air berwarna-warni
mengidamkan taman dinosaur
mengidamkan permainan golf mini
mengidamkan cermin yang pelik
yang menguruskan saya, dan menggemukkan kamu.
Satu hari nanti...
Saya akan mencari Mimaland

It has occurred to me that I actually have people reading this blog.
Well, that is fine...

I fear that you should be reading this blog.

Conversations with you (3 of many)

Me:

Why I Keep My Blog Postings Short (a study in the socio-anthropological existence of chi too)

Me : What the hell is twitter?
You : Well it's like a status update thing.
Me : Oh
You : Well, your blog is like twitter

Yes, It has been said that my blog entries are so short, they might as well just be status updates. Well... perhaps they could be status updates, but they probably are not. Whatever you would like it to be, it nonetheless fulfills the very condition that is required for it to qualify as a blog. That being me calling it a blog when I say things like 'No, I don't have a blog' which is my attempt to deny the existence of having a blog. Attempts to deny existence (when knowledge of existence exists) is proof itself of existence. Hence, I have a blog. And because I claim that I have a blog, then this must then be considered a blog.

So for now, the first point is clarified... I have a blog.

However, this is a problematic line of reasoning as I am not here to argue the existence (or validity of my blog) as such arguments would be redundant due to the fact that you are currently reading my blog... and this is an indisputable truth; I am here to explain to you why my blog postings are so short. So short that many would dispute the issue that the contents that makes up this blog does not qualify it as a blog. However, by me stating the previous sentence would then make this a blog as I have consistently, hitherto, refer to this blog as a blog. I could easily refer to 'tentative working title' as a journal, a book, a painting, a novel, an installation, a table lamp, a post it note, or even as a blue spotted stingray; but I choose to refer to it as 'a blog'. Hence it is thus considered a blog.

Consider the following hypothetical situation. "I see you in public one day and I tell you 'Hey, you should come and pet my cat at http://hyperbolica.blogspot.com'". In this case, you can then conclude that this is not a blog, but a cat. However, there exist a metaphysical quandary here as cats (like all living beings) must exists on a physical plane (its disputable, but since this is not an argument on metaphysics, the rest of this blog entry will be written with that as a common assumption). Since the internet is not a physical plane, then the cat must not exist. One of course can claim that this cat is a virtual cat, hence its existence in the cyberspace... however, If that was the case I would have stated 'Hey, you should come and pet my virtual cat at http://hyperbolica.blogspot.com', but I did not. I deliberately stated 'Hey, you should come and pet my cat at http://hyperbolica.blogspot.com' which would imply that it is a real cat. However, this is a flawed statement as it defies the laws of metaphysics. On top of that, considering that the situation is hypothetical anyway, it is therefore irrelevant and pointless.

So for now, it is once again clarified that this is a blog.

Now it is time for me to deal with the real issue at hand. Why do I keep my blog postings so short?

The answer is simple... linguistic economics, and the fact that I don't have much to say.

It boggles my mind as to how people can have so much to say when all that they have to say is either pointless, uninteresting, unimportant, stupid, conceited, contrived, useless, shallow, too deep (to a point where comprehension is impossible), a combination of a few of the above, or a combination of all of the above. How could one assume or naively believe that anyone of sound mind would be interested in such trite opinions?

What more, it boggles my mind further when all people have to say are about events surrounding their lives which is usually either pointless, uninteresting, unimportant, stupid, conceited, contrived, useless, shallow, too deep (to a point where comprehension is impossible), a combination of a few of the above, or a combination of all of the above.

To make matters worse, everyone seems to assume otherwise. What is the point when they keep saying the same things. Things that are pointless, uninteresting, unimportant, stupid, conceited, contrived, useless, shallow, too deep (to a point where comprehension is impossible), a combination of a few of the above, or a combination of all of the above.

This is why I have nothing much to say, chances are what I might say to you would really be pointless, uninteresting, unimportant, stupid, conceited, contrived, useless, shallow, too deep (to a point where comprehension is impossible), a combination of a few of the above, or a combination of all of the above. However, many would dispute this (myself included, and yourself perhaps) as it has been said by many (myself included, and perhaps yourself) that this is a fountain of knowledge. One for whom who drinks of it would attain a higher level of consciousness. Thus, it cannot be said that this blog is pointless, uninteresting, unimportant, stupid, conceited, contrived, useless, shallow, too deep (to a point where comprehension is impossible), a combination of a few of the above, or a combination of all of the above. For anything that is pointless, uninteresting, unimportant, stupid, conceited, contrived, useless, shallow, too deep (to a point where comprehension is impossible), a combination of a few of the above, or a combination of all of the above, can only cause one to attain a higher level of unconsciousness; and since you are still conscious, whatever that has been said so hitherto must then be true.

It is this pursuit of truth that emboldens me to be as brief and succinct as possible at all times. It is my belief that if one is incapable of saying everything within 3 short lines (preferably in the array of 5 syllables - 7 syllables - 5 syllables), then it must therefore be pointless, uninteresting, unimportant, stupid, conceited, contrived, useless, shallow, too deep (to a point where comprehension is impossible), a combination of a few of the above, or a combination of all of the above.

I hope this answers your questions (even if you did not ask in the first place... I forgive you). This is why I keep my blog postings short.

Conversations with someone else (2 of many)

Me : Do you like Orangina?
She : I don't like carbonated drinks.
Me : Do you like carbon-dated drinks?

Note to myself:

I must be less esoteric in nature

A Portrait Of The Artist As A Jung Man

Conversations with someone else (1 of many)

Me : You should drive
You : I should get a car
Me : I should go to sleep

Conversations with you (2 of many)

You: Why are you here? We've broken up.
Me: You mean that wasn't a rehearsal?
You: I am not in the mood for love.

A conversation with you (1 of many)

Me : So... can I see you tomorrow?
You : I told you, I'm leaving you for another man
Me : Can I just see you from afar?

Haiku for Eli

Eh motherfucker
Don't fuck with Eli Wong la
You motherfucker!

Fucking Awesome Design For A Doghouse

Tuesday Morning Haiku

My favourite cereals...
A perfect Tuesday morning

Sigh... the milk is warm.

Just when I thought I figured it out...

ps: I'm so jaded

pps: I'm so bloody cliched

Saturday Nite Haiku

Too damned bloody drunk
Can't even write a haiku
Oh what the hell, fuck la, I'm just gonna go to sleep

Just when I thought I knew you.

I want to live life on the emergency lane.

Unnecessary Necessities

I am trying to make sense of things that make no sense at all, and to make no sense of things that make sense in the first place. Does that make sense to you.

I Found Love

[FREE SMS] Boring? Your life sucks without LOVE? Type ON LOVE to 36036. (Kesepian? Anda sudah bosan hidup tanpa CINTA? Taip ON CINTA ke 36036). Daftar Percuma

[It Used To Be A Thin Perforated Line (It Used To Be A Thin Line)] (a draft)

Selected Essays From The Study Of Post Future Theories By chi too (chapter 11)

U = <

Ini Bukan Puisi, Mahupun Cerita Pendek. Ini Hanya Ayat-Ayat Yang Ertinya Boleh Dipertikaikan (bahagian 2)

Aku rasa mengantuk
Aku mahu tidur
Nasib baik saya tidak memerlukan pil tidur kali ini
Kerana semua farmasi sudah tutup
Yang buka hanya kedai 7-11
Yang ada hanya pil Panadol

pasca kata: harapan saya ialah agar kamu berjaya membeli pil Panadol, walaupun terpaksa beli di kedai 7-11

Ini Bukan Puisi, Mahupun Cerita Pendek. Ini Hanya Ayat-Ayat Yang Ertinya Boleh Dipertikaikan

Malam ini semua orang tidur awal
Hanya aku yang tidak lena
Memikirkan masa depan yang kabur
Diselubungi sejarah yang dihantui ralat
Mungkinkah pil tidur menjadi penyelesaian
Aduh
Sekarang sudah lewat
Semua farmasi sudah tutup
Yang buka hanya kedai 7-11
Yang ada hanya pil Panadol

January Eighteen Twentyzeronine

Ouhhh!

I am a mogul... i own real estate in the UK

I Am Not Mark Rothko

Perhaps (a draft)

I Heart

Punctuality is my greatest virtue

I just don't know which time zone I live in.

I Must Defy My Magic Eight Ball

I must stop consulting my magic eight ball...
But it's always so accurate. Damn it

'Should I stop consulting my magic eight ball'..
'WITHOUT A DOUBT'

I will continue to consult my magic eight ball

chi too's Guide On How To Make The World A Better Place : Selected Excerpts From Selected Essays (4 of many)

Fuck work... I'm going to sleep